


the light that leads you home

by patrichor



Series: sbi stories [6]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Everyone Needs A Hug, Found Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrid Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Character Death, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Piglin Hybrid Wilbur Soot, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Wilbur Soot, Resurrected Wilbur Soot, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicidal Thoughts, Twins Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Unreliable Narrator, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot-centric, also obligatory no one in l'manberg is a villain theyre just traumatized, and not dealing with it very well, because the trauma is ongoing, he's really not happy about it, i promise a happy ending eventually, in this house we let traumatized characters grow and heal, ranboo gets lowkey adopted by phil, there are so many hugs dude, those are connected, ventfic, wilbur did not agree to be brought back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29104143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patrichor/pseuds/patrichor
Summary: Phil regrets killing his son. Technoblade wishes he had seen that Wilbur was struggling sooner. Tommy just misses his big brother. Ranboo is struggling to move on after L'Manberg turns against him. Fundy is worried about his dad. Ghostbur is tired and ready to move on. Wilbur was having a nice time not being alive, thanks, and he's not amused by a surprise resurrection.Or, the obligatory Wilbur resurrection fic before canon completely overturns everything.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot, Floris | Fundy & Ranboo, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: sbi stories [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078391
Comments: 311
Kudos: 805





	1. this is how it begins

**Author's Note:**

> hey! uh,, so i'm gonna give you fair warning, this is gonna be rough. like, really rough. i wrote the first six or so chapters during a depressive episode that's lasted about two days so far, so i'm pretty sure it counts as a ventfic. if you're sensitive to suicidal thoughts or possibly a non-graphic (unsuccessful i promise a happy ending) suicide attempt later in (idk i haven't written that far), please please please do not read this. take care of yourselves, yeah?
> 
> anyway i havent seen people talking about this and idk if most of the characters realize either, but ghostbur once said he doesnt want to be revived because it means he (ghostbur) would die and wilbur would be back. and.. now he's asking for them to do that, to essentially kill him, and they haven't realized that's what that means because they're (understandably) focused on the part where wilbur will be alive again. like. ouch, dude. i just think theres something to be noticed there, that now both versions of wilbur are suicidal and his family hasnt realized because one dying means the other will be alive. feels bad, man
> 
> thanks for reading :)

Phil wonders just how badly he's failed as a father, if both versions of his son have decided they don't want to exist anymore. He remembers the uncomfortable look on Ghostbur's face the first time Phil asked if he wanted to be resurrected, the way he'd fiddled nervously with his oversized sleeves and explained that for him, coming back to life is the same as dying, because the current version of him won't exist anymore. Phil hadn't pushed the topic, and somewhere in the back of his mind he felt relief that at least one form of his son didn't want to leave him.

And maybe it's selfish, but when Ghostbur comes to Technoblade's house and asks Phil to bring him back, he doesn't hesitate to agree. He is curious, though, and as he gathers his research he asks what made Ghostbur change his mind.

Ghostbur looks down, expression melancholy. "Tommy asked." He says quietly. "He asked if I wanted to come back, and he looked so sad when I said no."

Phil glances toward the door of his room, in the direction of the staircase going down to the first floor, where the sounds of Tommy squabbling with Technoblade can be heard. Ghostbur follows his gaze and smiles a little, his empty white eyes softening.

"I never could say no to Tommy for long, not really," He sighs softly. "And.. I'm tired, Phil. I try so hard, but it never.. everything keeps going wrong, and I can't do anything about it."

Phil puts a hand on his shoulder. There's so much he doesn't understand about the afterlife, and he doesn't know why Ghostbur can still interact with things physically, but he's grateful nonetheless. "I know, mate. We'll figure it out, okay? I've been doing research, and there's just a few things we have to get before we can bring you back."

Ghostbur nods, face pensive. Phil pauses, setting down the papers in his other hand, and turns to face his son. "What's on your mind?"

Ghostbur tucks his legs underneath him as he hovers, bobbing in the air a little with the movement. "Um, nothing!" He offers Phil a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, ducking away from Phil's hand on his shoulder. "Just- thinking."

Phil hums. "About what?"

Ghostbur shrinks back in on himself. "It's just- I want to be gone, but I don't really know if I want Alivebur to be back. I mean.. you killed him, right? So he must have been horrible.."

Phil can feel himself falter, and regrets letting it show as remorse flashes across Ghostbur's face. "Sorry! Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, I'll go now-" He rambles, backing toward the door.

"No, it's okay." Phil interrupts, smiling gently at the ghost. "You just- caught me off guard, is all."

Ghostbur stops moving back, looking at Phil searchingly. "..Okay." He agrees eventually, floating back over to Phil's side.

Phil runs a hand over his face, thinking. "Wil- Alivebur wasn't a horrible person, Ghostbur." He starts gently. "He made mistakes, but he was hurting and desperate. Killing him- killing you will always be my greatest regret."

Ghostbur smiles anxiously, attempting to provide comfort the only way he can think of. "But- I remember dying, which means it was a happy memory. So it's okay! You don't have to feel bad, I asked you to kill me!"

Phil shakes his head, trying to hide his emotions to avoid upsetting Ghostbur and risking making him forget the whole conversation. "You're my son, and not only was I too late to help you, I was the one who killed you." He says quietly. "How could I not feel bad?"

Ghostbur seems about to answer, opening his mouth, before his eyes go blank momentarily and he closes it again, smiling. "Here, have some blue, calm yourself." He holds out blue dye, and Phil takes it with a weak smile.

"Thanks, Ghostbur."

Ghostbur beams at him in return, fingers clutching dye that seems darker than it was a moment before. "You're welcome!" He starts to float downstairs, humming a tune Phil doesn't recognize under his breath. "I'm gonna go find Tommy, you do whatever you need to do for the whole resurrection thing." He's gone before Phil can answer.

..Well. At least he hadn't forgotten the full conversation, even if he seems to have lost what Phil said at the end.

Phil goes back to looking through his research. Everything calls for a totem of undying, and he thinks Techno might have one but he's not going to ask for it. They have villagers in their basement, they can trade for another woodland mansion map. It would be better to have more instead of using their last one.

He hears a knock on the door and glances up to see his oldest son leaning on the door frame, an unreadable look in his eyes.

"Hey, Techno." Phil offers a tired smile, turning back to his papers. He gets an answering hum, and looks back up at the weary tone in Techno's voice.

"Did Ghostbur talk to you?" Techno doesn't waste time, glancing over the papers in Phil's hands.

Phil nods. "He said he wants to be revived." He doesn't comment on the swirling emotions on his son's face. Relief mostly, a little hope, and a lot of grief. Wilbur's death had hit all of them hard, but none harder than his twin. Part of Phil suspected that had he not returned as Ghostbur, Techno might have died of grief as piglin twins were known to in the rare cases where one outlived the other. Not for the first time, he wonders if that was the reason Wilbur, or at least part of him, became a ghost at all.

"I have a totem." Techno interrupts Phil's thoughts, pulling the totem from his pocket. Phil shakes his head.

"I think it'd be better to get more, just- in case." He doesn't elaborate in case of what, but his eyes meet his son's and he can tell they understand each other.

"Do you have a woodland mansion map?" Techno asks, shoving the totem back into his pocket.

Phil shakes his head. "No, but I know who might."

Techno's eyes narrow. "Who."

Phil waves a hand, reassuring him it's fine. "You remember Ranboo?" He asks, internally bracing himself.

Techno frowns. "That kid who was with the butcher army? Phil, they hunted me down and tried to execute me."

Phil shudders at the memory. "I know, Techno. But he was new to L'Manberg and pressured into proving his loyalty, and he's really sorry about it. Remember how he helped me escape house arrest, and went with Ghostbur to visit you to make sure he got there okay, and gave you back your armor, and-"

Techno groans. "I get it, I get it."

Phil raises a finger, showing he wasn't done. " _And_ , he owes me a favor. I saved him from lava once, and he's been really eager to help me out ever since. He's a hybrid, so I think it has something to do with his mob instincts."

Techno grunts in acknowledgement, and Phil knows he has him. "Fine." He grumbles. "Tommy and Ghostbur can stay here, and you and I will go get a map from Ranboo."

Phil smiles softly. "Yeah, sounds like a plan."

As Technoblade leaves to go make preparations, Phil pulls out his communicator.

**_You whisper to Ranboo: hey, mate. could use your help with something_ **  
**_You whisper to Ranboo: meet me outside l'manberg tomorrow?_ **  
**_Ranboo whispers to you: sure! there's a cabinet meeting in the morning though, does around noon work for you?_ **  
**_You whisper to Ranboo: sounds great. do you have a woodland mansion map?_ **  
**_Ranboo whispers to you: no, but i can get one. do you want me to bring it tomorrow?_ **  
**_You whisper to Ranboo: that'd be great, thanks mate_ **  
**_Ranboo whispers to you: it's no problem!_ **  
**_You whisper to Ranboo: see you then_ **  
**_Ranboo whispers to you: yeah :)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, friends. before you feel any concern, let me just say i'm doing mostly okay. this is a ventfic, which means this is where a lot of the bad stuff i feel is gonna go, but i feel good stuff too! it's just not the focus of this fic
> 
> also ik i haven't updated the chatfic or fix-it fic in a bit. that's, again, because of the depressive episode. i'm just not satisfied with anything i write, and when i do sit down to work on them my muse tugs me toward this anyway, so. i haven't abandoned them or anything, my updating speed is just gonna slow down is all
> 
> thanks for reading. take care of yourselves and stay safe, okay? i know reading fic is a safe way to interact with some of the darker thoughts we have, i do it too, but just make sure you know your limits, yeah? i'm trusting yall (especially the people who prefer fluff) to stop reading if this starts upsetting you in a bad way


	2. you're in over your head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logically, Ranboo knows it isn't likely that Technoblade, as protective as he is, would let Phil come to L'Manberg without him. It doesn't help the anxiety writhing in his chest at the sight of gleaming netherite armor and weapons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ranboo adoption pog
> 
> also gentle reminder that the people in l'manberg aren't villains, and i'm not trying to write them to be. we get this from ranboo's pov, which has a lot of anxiety so. obviously there's some struggles there, but the cabinet members are traumatized children who just want to keep their country safe after everything they've been though/are currently going through. i just wanted to reassure anyone who was worried that i'm not going to write them as evil or whatever

Logically, Ranboo knows it isn't likely that Technoblade, as protective as he is, would let Phil come to L'Manberg without him. It doesn't help the anxiety writhing in his chest at the sight of gleaming netherite armor and weapons.

He knows he moves quietly, even if he doesn't know why or where he learned to. He's always just assumed it had something to do with one of his mob sides and left it at that. But when he steps out of the trees and startles the pair, he wishes he were louder as a gleaming sword is instantly up and pointed his direction. He yelps, scrambling back with his hands immediately up to shield himself and his eyes screwed shut.

"It's Ranboo, it's just Ranboo!" He hears Phil says, and then there's a heavy sigh and he nearly jumps out of his skin as someone pats him on the shoulder. Phil removes his hand immediately, offering a gentle smile as he keeps it outstretched enough for Ranboo to grab. It's not until the hybrid looks around that he realizes he'd fallen backwards onto the ground, and he lets Phil pull him to his feet with an embarrassed flush on his face.

"Sorry about that. You startled me." Technoblade deadpans, Ranboo hunching in on himself instinctively to make his tall stature appear less of a potential threat.

"It's okay, I startle myself too," He jokes weakly, relaxing somewhat as the pair laughs. He suddenly remembers, searching through his inventory until he produces a piece of paper and holds it out to Phil. "Oh! Here, here's the woodland mansion map, I don't know how far it is but. Here!"

Phil takes it and glances it over, smiling and reaching out to ruffle Ranboo's hair. The ender hybrid freezes at the touch, eyes wide, and starts to lean into it instinctively before he seems to remember himself and just holds still. There's something sad in Phil's smile now as he thanks Ranboo, something Technoblade recognizes and internally sighs at. Phil had had the exact same look on his face when he met Tommy, and now they were stuck with the little gremlin. He'd have to talk to Phil on the way to the mansion and insist that he wasn't going to adopt another kid.

He ignores Chat reminding him that he'd grown to care about Tommy. For some reason the irritating voices in his head had gotten attached to the younger hybrid, and Technoblade has just been doing his best to tune out their chants of 'Ranbro' and 'Technosoft'. He is not soft, damn it. Just because he sees his younger self in the way Ranboo holds himself as if expecting an attack from any corner, and how silently and gracefully he moves when not trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible, as if he was a practiced fighter- Technoblade shakes his head, frowning. No. He is not getting attached to anyone else, and that's final.

Ranboo fidgets with his fingers for a minute, blinking at his feet nervously. "It's.. good to see you." He offers, glancing in Phil's general direction while avoiding eye contact. "How is.. how are you holding up?"

Phil blinks. Holding up..? Interesting choice of phrase. "We're alright, Ranboo." He smiles gently, looking over Ranboo's shoulder instead of directly at him since he'd noticed before that being looked at made the half-enderman uncomfortable. That's the only reason he sees the glint of metal in the trees behind Ranboo, his wings snapping open as he pulls Ranboo to the side and away from an arrow that slices through the air and narrowly misses Ranboo's arm. Ranboo yelps more in shock than anything, turning to see two figures emerge from the trees behind him.

"So this is where you've been running off to, traitor." Quackity sneers, lowering a bow. The only reason Technoblade hasn't yet launched himself across the clearing to take the man's last life is because the arrow was aimed to incapacitate, not kill, and it had hit neither Phil nor Ranboo.

"Traitor..?" Ranboo's voice shakes a little. "Big Q, I'm not-"

"You're literally meeting with public enemy number one in secret!" Quackity splutters, gesturing wildly at the scene in front of him. "Were you the reason he escaped execution? How long have you been a spy?"

"I'm not a spy!" Ranboo insists, Phil letting go of him and stepping slightly to the side. He doesn't want to make things worse for the teen, but he stays close enough to grab him and take off if he needs to. "Phil saved me from lava, and he asked me to bring him a map so I did!"

"And what about Technoblade's armor?" Fundy interjects, tail bristling as he pointedly avoids Phil's gaze. "We noticed it was missing, why else would we have followed you when you left L'Manberg? Were you ever going to tell us that you've been consorting with the two most wanted criminals in L'Manberg?"

Seeing Ranboo floundering for words, Technoblade interjects. "Actually, I threatened him into giving back my armor." He says coldly, crossing his arms.

Quackity narrows his eyes at Technoblade, but Fundy barely acknowledges him. "Well?" He demands, staring Ranboo down.

Ranboo twitches, trying to ignore the eyes fixed on him, and twists his fingers together nervously. "I haven't betrayed anyone," He argues, but his voice is quieter. "You guys are my friends, and so are they. Why do we all have to stand against each other? Why can't we just stop fighting?"

Fundy's ears flatten. "You don't get it Ranboo, they're enemies of L'Manberg! You can't be their friends and be on our side!"

Ranboo curls further in on himself, Phil shooting him a concerned glance and turning to have a silent conversation with Technoblade. "Why does it have to be about sides? L'Manberg's side, Dream's side, Technoblade's side- why are sides so important to everyone? Can't you see that that's where all this conflict comes from?" He reaches out towards Fundy hesitantly, his expression pleading. "Why can't we just choose people? Not sides, sides don't matter! People do!"

Ranboo's hand falls and his face crumbles as Fundy takes a step back, shaking his head. "That's not how it works, Ranboo. I'm sorry you can't see that, but I won't let anyone hurt L'Manberg any further. Not even you." He rests a hand on the hilt of his sword, hesitating to draw despite his words, and as a distressed warble escapes Ranboo Phil decides enough is enough and his wings flare, moving between Ranboo and the L'Manbergians.

"Enough." He snaps, watching both boys in front of him automatically straighten up at the disappointed parental tone he'd perfected over the years. He glances over his shoulder, softening his tone. "Ranboo, I don't think L'Manberg is safe for you anymore. Are you alright coming with us, at least for a little while until we get you somewhere safe?"

Ranboo's eyes are shiny with unshed tears, and he has his hands clamped over his mouth to restrain any more enderman noises. He nods hesitantly, and something in Phil aches at the raw pain on his face. Despite his stature, Phil easily scoops Ranboo into his arms and rises into the air with several powerful beats of his wings. The teen is tall, but far thinner and lighter than Phil thinks he should be, even with his enderman heritage. He trusts Techno to handle himself, and looking down he can see his eldest point his sword at the pair and say something he guesses is menacing based on their pale faces, before turning and following Phil on the ground.

He doesn't land until he's certain they're too far away for anyone from L'Manberg to follow, gently setting Ranboo back onto his feet. The half-enderman nods shakily in what Phil assumes is a thank you. With the small distressed noises escaping him even with his hands firmly over his mouth, Phil doesn't think he could speak at the moment. Techno joins them with a sorrowful look at the shaking teen, who lowers himself to the ground and curls around his knees, shock and distress etched in every line of his body.

"Let's head back," He suggests softly to Phil. "He should rest, and I don't think it'd be safe to leave him on his own."

Phil nods, crouching beside Ranboo and putting a gentle hand on his back. He lets it hover after the initial flinch, and after a moment Ranboo turns and looks at him with teary eyes and leans into the touch, his distressed sounds eventually quieting as Phil rubs gentle circles on his back.

"Y'alright, mate?" He asks softly, keeping his hand in contact with Ranboo since the teen seems to derive comfort from the touch. A wobbly nod answers him, then a hesitant shake of the head, and finally a helpless shrug. "Okay," Phil murmurs, taking hold of Ranboo's arms and lifting him to his feet. "We're gonna go ahead and head to the house, does that sound alright? There isn't exactly a mansion's worth of space, but we have some spare rooms you could stay in."

Ranboo looks up with wide eyes, searching first Phil and then Technoblade's face, and he must have found what he was looking for because he nods, and peels his hands enough away from his mouth for his whispered thanks to be audible.

The walk through the woods, nether, and snow is quiet, Phil ignoring the look Techno gives him when he keeps a wing around Ranboo. It clearly comforts the kid, and he remembers Techno feeling the same way when Phil first adopted Tommy. He'd come around. In fact, Phil notices with amusement as Techno's face softens when an upset _vwoop_ sounds from Ranboo, he's pretty sure he already has and is just in denial about it. Once again, just like with Tommy.

Ranboo is clearly devastated, but he doesn't let himself cry. Phil wonders if it's because of his enderman heritage- Ranboo had more than once taken shelter in Phil's house from the rain, but did tears affect him the same way?

They reach the house, Tommy and Ghostbur laughing together as they squabble over the building Tommy is working on outside Techno's house, and Phil feels Ranboo stop short. He turns, concerned, only to find the teen's wide eyes fixed on Tommy and his mouth slightly open.

"..Tommy?" He breathes. Phil furrows his brow, about to ask why Ranboo looks like his whole world has just shifted a bit to the left, when suddenly Ranboo is running and then purple particles swirl in his wake and he's crashing into Tommy in a tight hug, crown falling in the snow as he nearly knocks the other boy over.

Phil runs toward them, confused and alarmed, and then he hears Ranboo's jumbled words between sobs and ice-cold understanding shoots down his spine.

"I thought you were- Tubbo found the tower in Logstedshire, and he said- he said you- we thought you were _dead_ , Tommy-"

Tommy's arms come up to cling to Ranboo just as fiercely, shaking his head.

"Nah, I'm fine, see? Been here the whole time since escaping exile!" He shoots Phil a look over the older teen's shaking shoulders that very clearly says _help._ Phil pats his shoulder as he passes, heading to talk to Ghostbur and ask him to help settle Ranboo in while he and Techno go get the totems.

"What happened?" Ghostbur asks quietly, watching Tommy untangle himself from the taller teen but keep an arm around him as he cries.

"Ranboo gave us a map, but he was followed by people from L'Manberg. They were going to arrest him, I think." Phil sighs, smiling gratefully at Techno as the hybrid emerges from the house with a spare cape, draping it around a shivering Ranboo.

Ghostbur hums and floats over to Ranboo, holding out blue dye with a smile. "Hello, Ranboo! Please, have some blue, calm yourself."

Ranboo wipes at his face carefully, wincing slightly at the small burns under his eyes from crying, and clutches the blue dye with a wobbly smile. "Thanks, Ghostbur. I feel better already." He clearly doesn't, but Ghostbur either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it in favor of ushering the two boys inside to warm up.

Phil knows Ghosbur isn't always... present, for lack of a better term, but he still trusts him to look out for Tommy and Ranboo, at least for a little while. He and Techno will hopefully be back soon to sort out Ranboo's living situation, but Ghostbur and Tommy have him well in hand for now. Phil and Techno have something else to do, something that can't wait. He's going to revive his son, and he has to do it quickly in case he changes his mind about wanting to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao c!phil really can't stop adopting children huh
> 
> uh also i think i maybe shouldve said sooner, but this is all about the characters NOT the content creators! despite the characters tags, i dont write fiction of real people. like if u do thats chill do what makes u happy, its just not my thing lmao


	3. you were the light i knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ghostbur, you remember dying, right?" Tommy blurts before he can think better of it and stop himself. And- okay, the implications of Ghostbur remembering his death when he only remembers things that made him happy are just now hitting Tommy, and it feels like confirmation and condemnation all in one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tommy pov tommy pov tommy pov
> 
> they r brothers your honor....

Ranboo falls asleep on the couch leaning against Tommy, exhausted from the strong emotions of the day. Ghostbur sets the teen's crown on the couch next to him, smiling a little at the way his tail stays curled around Tommy's wrist.

Tommy really isn't sure how to deal with the emotions Ranboo's visit stirred up, on top of everything else. Tubbo found his tower, Ranboo had said. He wonders for a moment if it had made Tubbo sad or if he had just been relieved that he had one less problem to deal with. He promptly takes those thoughts and shoves them away to be dealt with never, and then blue in front of his eyes grabs his attention.

Ghostbur holds it out with a smile. "You seemed a little upset!" He explains cheerfully. "Have some blue, please calm down."

Tommy puts it in his inventory, mustering a weak smile for the ghost of his older brother. And- that's the real problem, isn't it? Because Ghostbut isn't Wilbur, not really, even he admits it. He's an echo of someone who doesn't exist anymore, someone who left Tommy behind- left them all behind.

He thinks he might be starting to understand why, and it scares him. He doesn't want to understand how Wilbur felt at the end, not really, because he doesn't want to go down that same path.

_If I can't be the next Schlatt, then you can't be the next Wilbur._

"Ghostbur, you remember dying, right?" Tommy blurts before he can think better of it and stop himself. And- okay, the implications of Ghostbur remembering his death when he only remembers things that made him happy are just now hitting Tommy, and it feels like confirmation and condemnation all in one.

Ghostbur blinks at him, smile fixed in place. "Yeah, I remember." His tone is far too light to match his words. "I asked Phil to stab me and he did. Why do you ask?"

Tommy struggles to find words for a moment. He knows what happened, but what he doesn't know is why. Not really. They had won! Everything could have gone back to the way it was- except it couldn't, could it? Something broke inside of Wilbur when he was killed fleeing the country he'd founded to be a safe haven, and it had only gotten worse with time. He'd spiraled, and Tommy could only watch as his hero, his leader, his brother gave up on everything that he had fought so hard for the first time. He'd tried to help, but he was sixteen and dealing with his own pain. The truth was, he just didn't know what to do. So he'd entrusted Wilbur to Technoblade- and look how that turned out.

"Why did you do it?" He settles on finally, pushing down the heartache in his chest just like everything else he didn't know how to deal with. "Why- why did you make Phil kill you? Wasn't there- wasn't there anything left for you?" _Wasn't I there? Why did you leave me? Was I not enough to live for?_ remains unspoken, but from the sorrow in Ghostbur's eyes Tommy knows he understands anyway.

Ghostbur tugs his legs to his chest where he hovers, clearly trying to sort through the jumbled mess that was his memories. "Tommy, I- you know there's a lot I don't remember. I can't speak for Alivebur-"

Tommy sighs. Of course it gets deflected. Honestly, he doesn't know what he expected.

"-but I do remember, um." Ghostbur bites his lip. "I remember feeling.. relieved? Like.. like I was stuck under a rockslide, and I'd just seen a way out of the cave." He shrugs, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. "I dunno, Tommy, there's a lot of context I'm missing. I- I think this is something you should ask Alivebur, not me."

Tommy blinks up at him. "What- how can I ask Alivebur? He's not here, moved on to the afterlife or whatever- are you talking about some kind of necromancy shit?"

Ghostbur laughs, but it's a small sound. "Um, sort of, I guess. It's.. Tommy, if you could, if you had the choice, would you want Alivebur to come back?"

Tommy stares at him, eyes wide. He remembers cold nights in a ravine watching Wilbur pace and mutter to himself, remembers the glint of fear in dark eyes that his brother tried desperately to convince himself was anger, remembers shaky fingers gripping his as Wilbur rambles about the world turning against them, remembers paranoid words and mistrustful glances and the sick helplessness of watching someone he loves crumble with no idea how to help or if he even can.

But... he also remembers the bubbling of potion stands being drowned out by laughter, the strumming of a guitar accompanied by a melodic voice, remembers being held comfortingly after he respawned both times as Wilbur reassured himself that Tommy was safe, remembers the shocked smile on Wilbur's face and the glowing pride in his eyes when Tommy announced he'd secured L'Manberg's freedom, remembers a thousand different ways, big and small, that his brother showed he loved him.

And. Well. In the end, that's all there is to it, isn't it? Wilbur's his brother, and he misses him. The real him, not who he became when pushed beyond his limits and then some.

"..Yeah." He whispers, and as he says it he realizes it's true. "Yeah. You're great, Ghostbur, I just- I miss him."

Ghostbur nods, reaching out to ruffle Tommy's hair- a gesture so distinctly _Wilbur_ that Tommy nearly misses what he says next.

"Techno and Phil are out looking for totems of undying. They- they're going to bring Alivebur back."

Tommy freezes, sure he misheard. "..What?"

Ghostbur smiles, and something about it is distinctly sad and yet at the same time content. "I think- I've done what I can, this version of me. I think it's time for me to go, and the only way to make sure of that is to bring back Alivebur." He puts a hand on Tommy's shoulder, sensing his distress. "Oh, don't worry Tommy, dying's not that bad when you get used to it! You want Alivebur, and I want to rest. So- it all works out, really."

Tommy can't move from the couch without disturbing Ranboo, but he reaches out and tugs Ghostbur into a tight hug. "I'll- I'm gonna miss you, y'know. You're still- you're not Alivebur, but you're still my brother."

When he sees the surprise and gratitude on Ghostbur's face, Tommy knows he's said the right thing. Ghostbur hugs him again, and immediately disappears with the excuse of making hot chocolate. Tommy knows how Wilbur handles emotions, and he knows he prefers to be alone when he gets overwhelmed, so he very graciously don't call Ghostbur out and instead doesn't protest as he retreats to the kitchen to collect himself.

Tommy sighs softly, looking down at Ranboo's peaceful, albeit tearstained face. He feels for his friend, he really does- the situation sounds familiar. You make a mistake, the people you thought were your friends turn against you, and somehow you end up in the arctic tundra seeking sanctuary. Honestly, at this point he's pretty sure Phil physically cannot stop himself from adopting every troubled teen he sees. He wouldn't be surprised if Ranboo ended up being an official brother before too long. He finds that he doesn't mind the thought nearly as much as he once might have. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love they
> 
> n e way im not gonna write pogtopia-era alivebur as abusive or w/e bc he. wasnt. im not gonna get into it here but in the end notes of the first chapter of to be a bit of warmth for you i do talk about it a bit, if u want my perspective as a mentally ill person go there ig
> 
> also i love ranboo,,, hes absolutely getting adopted im projecting my older sibling instincts (for some reason he activates every single one. yes that includes the cain instinct.) onto the characters around him he gets a family goshdangit


	4. the other side of a world without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst part, Techno will think later, is that Wilbur was smiling. Not the restrained, tired smile of President Soot, or the sharp-edged, desperate grin of recent months, but the gentle expression he remembers from their childhood. He is smiling, and he looks more peaceful and happy than he has since before the revolution, and Techno later learns that the last thing his twin ever utters is thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jksdb im posting everything i have already written for this tonight so. yeah. idk what to say lmao, except i rlly love techno being soft for his brothers
> 
> oh also the work title & all the chapter titles are ruelle lyrics
> 
> what can i say she makes banger songs with perfect vibes for my writing

Technoblade has always been a protector. He protects his animals, his family, and the few people he calls friends. But most of all, even before he had anyone else to protect, he protected Wilbur. His twin was smaller than most, and scrawny. If it weren't for Techno, he might have been left to die by the rest of their sounder, but even at a young age Techno was a fighter, and he defended his brother with everything he had. When they left the Nether for the Overworld, when Phil found them and gave them a home, even when Wilbur learned how to fight in his own right, Techno never stopped protecting him.

Wilbur had never cared for fighting, and he didn't follow Techno to the arena. It was uncomfortable to be separated, but Techno knew Phil would look after him. He considered going to his brothers when word reached him of their revolution, but letters from Wilbur insisted that they were fine, that he should focus on his tournaments and potato farm. He kept tabs on the situation as best he could, and was reassured when he heard that the revolution had been won.

Letters had started to come less frequently. Wilbur mentioned more than once how busy being president was, how much he wanted to do right by his people, and Techno understood and simply treasured the times he did hear from his brother.

And then the letters stopped entirely. It was a gradual thing, but at some point Techno realized it had been nearly two months since he last got a reply, even though he had sent a couple letters in that time. He was concerned, but at that point he still trusted his brothers to be able to take care of themselves. He'd come if he was asked- he always would, for his family- but not until then.

And then he gets a letter from Tommy, explaining that they had lost the election and were exiled. Apparently even Wilbur's son had turned on them, and Wilbur wasn't taking it well. Tommy asked for his help, so he came.

He'll always regret the time in Pogtopia. Always regret that he didn't do enough for his twin, his other half. He should have pushed harder for him to take basic care of himself, should have seen the warning signs for what they were instead of trying to bond over anarchy with the brother he hadn't seen in so long.

He knows he enabled Wilbur, outright encouraged him. He also knows it wasn't intentional, that he was just blind to his brother's mental state, but that doesn't make the guilt any less crushing. Because he was supposed to be the protector, was supposed to keep his brother safe, and instead he didn't even notice just how badly Wilbur was doing or try to help him until it was too late.

After the festival, his hands won't stop shaking. He hears Wilbur say he doesn't care if Techno's on their side or not, and for a shining moment Techno thinks he might say _because we're family,_ or _because I've known you as long as I've known myself._ Instead, shaky hands cling to the collar of his shirt, and a head lowers as though its owner can't bring himself to look Techno in the eyes. _I don't care if you're on our side,_ he says, _so long as you help me do chaos._

And Techno doesn't know what to do. What happened to them? To Wilbur? Where is the man he once knew who stood tall after every defeat, who inspired admiration and loyalty in the people around him?

He does the only thing he knows how to do. He puts a hand on Wilbur's shoulder and grins fiercely when their eyes meet. _Now you're speakin' my language._

They plan the withers together, the withers and the explosion. Techno isn't too worried until Tommy comes to him and tells him how close Wilbur has been to pressing the button. Until Tommy shows him the TNT he removed from the button room itself. And Technoblade sees it and remembers the size of the room when he helped dig it out, and he comes to the horrible conclusion that maybe Wilbur doesn't intend to outlive his creation.

That night, he writes to Phil and begs him to come to the Dream SMP. As much as it terrifies him to admit, he's completely out of his depth here. He needs his brother to be safe, and if not safe then at least alive. He doesn't understand him anymore, not in the easy, instinctive way they had when they were younger, but he thinks if anyone else could, it would be Phil.

And then he's standing in a crater, his vision blurred by smoke, but his hybrid senses can pick up on the voice just as familiar to him as his own.

_Kill me, Phil. Phil, kill me!_

_You're my son! No matter what you do- no matter what you've done, I can't-_

_PHIL! Look- look how much work went into this and it's gone! Do it. Kill me._

And Techno sees through the last of the fading smoke, a sword driven through a chest as a body slumps into shaking arms. Tommy screams. He thinks he might have, as well. United for possibly the last time in their horror and grief, the two brothers watch as their father sinks to his knees, crying as he cradles a dying man.

The worst part, Techno will think later, is that Wilbur was smiling. Not the restrained, tired smile of President Soot, or the sharp-edged, desperate grin of recent months, but the gentle expression he remembers from their childhood. He is smiling, and he looks more peaceful and happy than he has since before the revolution, and Techno later learns that the last thing his twin ever utters is _thank you._

He will mourn later. Right now, he rises to his feet- when had he fallen to his knees?- and turns, pulling the prepared skulls from his enderchest. He could not save his brother, so he will fulfill his last wish. He will tear down this city, this nation that took and took from his twin until there was nothing but sharp edges and a hollow gaze left, and cast him out after everything he'd done for it. He will not forgive L'Manberg, he knows with certainty. Maybe someday he might have, if only it had not taken the most important person in his life away from him.

Tommy tries to stop him. Techno tries to get his little brother to understand- heroes don't get happy endings. Look at Wilbur- hero of the revolution, hero of the people, exiled and vilified by his own creation. Why is Tommy so insistent on repeating the cycle? Why can't he see that L'Manberg will take and take from him until his sharp edges are cracked and his eyes dull, and then cast him aside? If Tommy won't see, Techno thinks, then he will just hope the withers don't kill the only brother he has left. He charges into the fray, slicing down anyone who get too close to hurting the withers, but he does not injure Tommy. Beats him back, scares him into retreating temporarily, but he does not draw blood.

And then Phil is there leading the fight against the withers and subsequently Techno, and as their blades cross a bit of paper slips into Techno's hand and the two leap apart.

Techno looks around at the crater, the devastation, and decides this is enough. Ignoring the people still fighting, he turns and simply leaves. He's not exactly inconspicuous, but no one challenges him while busy with eight- six, now- withers and Dream's people keeping them occupied.

It isn't until he gets to his base and removes his mask that he realizes he's crying, and grief hits him like a physical weight, the sheer emptiness in his chest sending him staggering. Piglin twins are connected more closely than almost any other being, and while that has a great many strengths, like everything else, it has significant drawbacks as well. One of those is that should one twin die, the other will soon follow from the grief of the loss.

He believes his fate will be the same until he meets Ghostbur, and suddenly something fundamental is put right in his world. Yes, he insists that he is not the Wilbur they knew, but he is still Techno's twin, and even an echo of Wilbur remaining in the world is enough to ease Techno's pain somewhat, just enough that he knows it won't kill him.

That doesn't mean that, on his worst days, part of him doesn't wish it had so that he could see his brother again- the real one, not the remnant that's left. He knows it isn't fair to Ghostbur, knows that he's also Techno's brother in his own right, but when presented with the chance to get Wilbur back Techno can't even consider refusing.

He ignores Chat's concerns, shushing the back of his mind. Of course he remembers Wilbur begging to die, but he's trying to think positively. Maybe he'll get Ghostbur's memories and start to heal. Maybe he'll have found out that being dead sucks and he'd rather be alive. Anything could have happened, and Techno will hope for the best outcome while preparing for the worst.

He knows Phil hasn't forgiven himself for giving in and killing Wilbur the first time, and he doesn't deserve to hear him asking again. Should it come to that, Techno will be the one to stay with his brother until he's calmed down.

He hopes with everything in him that it won't come to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha guess what it's gonna come to :)
> 
> n e way hybrid lore pog?? its the same as in something else i wrote, idk which but its the same thing abt piglin twins
> 
> thanks for reading, and stay safe


	5. stay with me a little longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, you know." He waves a hand vaguely, and continues before Fundy can say that he does not, in fact, know. "The important thing is that I'll come back when I can, okay? There's- stuff I need to do, but I'm not going to forget you."
> 
> Fundy narrows his eyes, tail curling nervously behind him. He doesn't like the way Ghostbur is talking, as if he's saying goodbye. "Ghostbur, what's going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fundy time fundy time
> 
> anyway this is the last ghostbur pov we're gonna get so enjoy it i guess

Ghostbur meant it when he said dying wasn't so bad. He'd seen the afterlife, however briefly, had seen a man with ram horns he didn't recognize and someone who looked like him, but sadder. He and the other him he know knew as Alivebur had examined each other for a moment before Alivebur spoke.

_Well, better you than me._

And then Ghostbur had been floating near a crater with no idea where he was or how he got there. He'd never mentioned the encounter to anyone, didn't know how to explain that while yes, he and Alivebur were both Wilbur, they were separate as well. He didn't understand it himself, not really. He thinks that maybe it doesn't matter anymore.

He thinks that maybe a lot of things don't matter anymore.

It's almost funny, he ponders absent-mindedly, how he's the only one in his family allowed in the nation he founded. Well, the only one except-

"Fundy!" He spots his son and smiles, floating toward him. The fox hybrid sighs and excuses himself from where he's talking with the other cabinet members, walking over to Ghostbur with a forced smile.

"Hey, Ghostbur. I'm a little busy right now, so-"

"Oh, it won't take long." Ghostbur assures him, still smiling. "It's just- I wanted to let you know I might not be around for a little while, so you wouldn't have to worry."

Fundy's ears flatten. "Yeah, what else is new." He grumbles, feeling equal parts guilty and gratified as Ghostbur falters. "Where are you going?" Suspicion rises as Ghostbur avoids meeting his eyes, fidgeting with the ends of his sleeves.

"Oh, you know." He waves a hand vaguely, and continues before Fundy can say that he does not, in fact, know. "The important thing is that I'll come back when I can, okay? There's- stuff I need to do, but I'm not going to forget about you."

Fundy narrows his eyes, tail curling nervously behind him. He doesn't like the way Ghostbur is talking, as if he's saying goodbye. "Ghostbur, what's going on?"

Ghostbur finally looks up and meets his eyes, and Fundy frowns as a somehow familiar emotion he can't identify fills his eyes. "It's nothing," He says lightly, ruffling Fundy's hair. The fox hybrid freezes as he's brought into a hug.

"You've grown up so well," His father says quietly, pulling back to look at him fondly. "Sally would be so proud if she could see you now."

Fundy's eyes are wide, and to his embarrassment he can feel tears welling up. For as long as he can remember Wilbur has avoided talking about Sally, only telling him that she was a salmon hybrid and she left them, but she loved them both. Ghostbur probably would have said more, but of course he could only remember happy memories, so he had no idea why she left or where she went.

"I just wanted to tell you that, before- well." Ghostbur smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you knew, you know?"

Fundy can feel cold creeping down his spine. "Ghostbur, what- what are you going to do? What's going on?"

Ghostbur ruffles his hair again, and doesn't answer. "Goodbye, Fundy. You'll see me again, okay?" He floats away before Fundy can answer, and all the fox hybrid can do is stare until he's out of sight.

He's just turning to walk back toward the other cabinet members, who are looking at him with concern, when realization hits him and he whirls, ignoring Tubbo's alarmed shout to run toward the entrance to L'Manberg. He knows the look on Ghostbur's face, he sees it in his nightmares. It's the same look Wilbur had as he bled out in his father's arms, a sort of quiet acceptance and relief. He doesn't know what Ghostbur's planning to do, but as he reaches the edge of the forest and finds no sign of the spirit, he gets a horrible feeling that he's never going to see the ghost of his father again.

Hours later, a door opens and cold air swirls inside until it's shut again. A family of four goes down to a basement with a shrine set up, and a totem is pressed into a spectral hand.

Ghostbur hugs his father and both his brothers goodbye, and stands in the center of the shrine, taking a deep breath. "Okay." He says, a tired smile on his face. "I'm ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> resurrection/alivebur pov next chapter?? wild


	6. no heartbeat left in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once, when he's awake, Wilbur asks if Schlatt would want to go back. Be revived, get a second chance. Schlatt just laughs, drinking the alcohol that he never seems to run out of. "Hell no." He answers, and that's that. He doesn't ask Wilbur the same question. He doesn't have to. Wilbur letting himself fade is answer enough already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alivebur pov..... nice
> 
> shits only gonna get worse from here lads

Wilbur didn't know what to expect from the afterlife- hell, he'd half believed there would be nothing at all. But this void wasn't half-bad, really, even if he has to share his space with Schlatt and a Mexican man in a mask reminiscent of Dream's who comes and goes sometimes. There's no way to tell time in the void, but the longer he's there the more he finds he doesn't care. Time is for the living, for the people who still have it.

Wilbur ran out of time long before he died, he knows that as well as he knows his own name. The last few months, those were just dying convulsions.

It's a lot easier to think clearly in the void, no longer feeling the overwhelming pressure that had marked every day since the revolution began. After all, what does he have to stress over? He'd won, is the thing, won on every count. He'd detonated L'Manberg, cut his symphony off before the final measure had a chance to play, and he'd finally found peace. Schlatt's annoying, sure, but with no one else consistently there to talk to, the two of them were on amicable terms soon enough.

He's glad, he thinks absently, that he got to see Phil again before he died. But he doesn't like to dwell on his death, as fondly as he feels about it, because if he does then he starts to think about the agony on Phil's face as he held his dying son, the way Tommy and Techno's voices had both risen in twin screams of denial and grief and rage, the way Fundy had reached toward him despite the distance between them, as if begging him not to leave him, and if he thinks about those then he starts to feel guilty.

He does want to make things right with his family, at least part of him, even if he doesn't regret what he did. He wants to stay here where it's peaceful and he can rest, but at the same time he doesn't want his family to grieve him alone. Techno will probably follow him, he realizes, and the distress at that thought is enough that his desire to make sure his family is okay manifests apart from him, a grey-skinned ghost in a yellow sweater looking at him with wide eyes. ..Ah. Maybe there's a way to do both.

"Well, better you than me." He says quietly, and then the ghost-him is pulled away and Wilbur can't sense him in the void anymore. The last of his regrets have been taken care of, now, and he thinks he might be starting to fade. He doesn't mind, not really. He spends a lot of time sleeping now, floating in darkness that stretches on forever.

Schlatt wakes him, sometimes, when he gets bored or wants someone to talk to. The ram hybrid has far too many regrets to let go as Wilbur has and allow himself to fade, and Wilbur understands. He knows that no matter how big Schlatt talks, he doesn't want to be alone in the empty void. Maybe once, Wilbur would have regretted leaving Schlatt alone enough for it to keep him from fading, but- well. He's tired. He has suffered enough for other people, he thinks, and he wants to rest.

He knows Schlatt understands. It's the reason he never asks Wilbur to stay, even as his smiles get faker the harder it becomes to wake Wilbur up.

Once, when he's awake, Wilbur asks if Schlatt would want to go back. Be revived, get a second chance. Schlatt just laughs, drinking the alcohol that he never seems to run out of. "Hell no." He answers, and that's that. He doesn't ask Wilbur the same question. He doesn't have to. Wilbur letting himself fade is answer enough already.

Eventually, Wilbur spends more time asleep than awake. He and Schlatt are far past the line of enemies now, and will often lean against each other for comfort and warmth. Apparently, being dead doesn't mean you don't get touchstarved. Fun finding that out. Schlatt tells him once that his body is starting to flicker while he sleeps, as if there's a bad connection and he keeps cutting out. Wilbur hums tiredly in response, his head dropping back onto Schlatt's shoulder.

"Won't be long now, then." He mutters, letting his eyes close without a fight. "Dunno if I'll wake up again before I go, so.. goodbye, Blades."

He thinks he hears a sharp breath as an arm comes up to wrap around his shoulders. "Bye, Virgo." Schlatt responds, voice equally soft. Wilbur drifts off, content in the knowledge that this is how his story ends.

Only he does wake up before the end, because the next thing he knows his eyes are flying open and he's glowing green, the same glow as a totem of undying, and he looks up in a panic to see the wide eyes of the other man with him. They both know what's happening. In a panic, Wilbur reaches for Schlatt- he doesn't want to go back, please, he finally found peace please don't let him go back- but just before their hands meet he's pulled away, back to the living world.

His eyes fly open with a gasp and he starts coughing, unused to breathing again. He only distantly realizes he's standing when his legs give out under him and he crumples, alarmed shouts ringing faintly in the distance. Hands catch him before he can hit the floor, hands he would recognize in any other situation, but all of his senses are overwhelmed after going from the quiet dark of the void to the bright chaos of the living world.

There's a hand in his hair, trying to soothe him as he struggles to push himself away, up, _anywhere but here_ and there's so much noise, it's so loud why is someone screaming- and then a vague _oh_ passes on the edge of his mind and he realizes the one screaming is him.

After an unknown amount of time, his voice is hoarse and the screaming finally tapers off. He's still clawing at his chest where something feels _wrong_ , and he's speaking now, he's figured out how his voice works, and he doesn't quite know what he's saying but he can see the expressions of the people around him and they all look devastated.

"Please," He gasps between unpracticed breaths that sound more like sobs. "Please don't, I don't- I don't want this- let me rest- _please_ -"

Some words fly over his head that he doesn't catch, and the older blond man takes the boy with matching hair out of the room, a comforting hand on his back. Then the arms around Wilbur are hugging him tightly, he can feel them trembling as his head is brought to rest on someone's shoulder.

He has no sense of time anymore, but he thinks it's been a few hours since he woke up in the last place he wanted to be. His violent full-body shaking has subsided, and his eyes are puffy and red. At some point, he'd given up on begging whoever held him to let him die, let him go back and rest, _please, he's so tired_ and had simply sobbed, curling his hand into a weak fist where it clutched someone's shirt.

His senses have mostly adjusted, and he hesitantly opens his eyes to see a face he knows almost as well as his own, or at least a similar face, because he doesn't remember his twin looking this tired, or this heartbroken. He works his jaw for a moment, creaking his mouth open to speak in a raspy voice.

"..Tech...?"

Somehow, this is the final blow to Technoblade's self-control. He pulls Wilbur into a tighter hug, and Wilbur hesitantly wraps his arms around his brother as well, eyes wide as he hears quiet sobs. Instinct overrides everything, and Wilbur curls around his twin as best he can in the tight hold, running his fingers through long, unbraided pink hair.

He wants answers as to why he's alive again when he distinctly remembers asking Phil to kill him, but that can wait. His brother takes priority, and anyway he has a sinking feeling that his family is going to make sure he stays alive, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mexican dream cameo pog!! its the only one hes gonna get lmao but i couldnt just not put him in
> 
> n e way what am i implying with the nicknames from the tnt video? are those canon in this universe? were wilbur & schlatt friends before everything w the election? heck if i know, dude
> 
> this is the last chapter for tonight, i havent written any others and its like 2am for me i gotta get up early tomorrow i need to go to sleep
> 
> goodnight, and thanks for reading :)


	7. i never wanted this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy shifts and comes to sit next to him, a shoulder nudging his own snapping him back to full awareness.
> 
> "..Hey, big man. You alright?" He takes a minute to process the question, and then to figure out how to move his mouth and respond.
> 
> "Fucking fantastic." He attempts a smile, but from Tommy's wince he thinks it's more of a grimace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo more alivebur pov pog
> 
> what is ranboo doing through all this?? bro idk, hes just vibing somewhere and not coming out because what's happening was briefly explained to him and he was like sounds stressful and i dont think i can help, ykw today sounds like a great day to go walk around and familiarize myself with the area ok cool have fun bye!!
> 
> he doesnt deal with stress very well,, lmao

Wilbur has to be practically carried up the basement stairs, unused to having a physical form after months in the void. He leans on Techno, letting his brother carry most of his weight as he steers them and settles Wilbur on a couch, wrapping him in a blanket. It's only now that Wilbur realizes he's in the same clothing as the ghost-him he'd seen once, the yellow sweater and beanie familiar from years ago.

He was disoriented right after being revived, but he recognizes his family now. They sit near him, watching him with careful eyes as if he might die again the moment they turn their backs.

..Well. It's not an entirely unfounded fear, he supposes. He did commit Philza-assisted suicide the last time they saw him.

A warm mug of hot chocolate is pressed into his hands, curling around it instinctively to keep it from falling. He just sits, staring at it blankly. Tommy shifts and comes to sit next to him, a shoulder nudging his own snapping him back to full awareness.

"..Hey, big man. You alright?" He takes a minute to process the question, and then to figure out how to move his mouth and respond.

"Fucking fantastic." He attempts a smile, but from Tommy's wince he thinks it's more of a grimace. "I dunno, Tommy, how would you feel if the one thing you wanted was to stay fucking dead, and you're right about to get your wish when suddenly you're pulled back to the last place you wanted to come back to?" His voice is barely audible by the end, disuse paired with too much screaming rendering it hoarse and crackly.

He sees the way Tommy flinches at his words and sighs, clumsily extracting an arm and holding up the edge of the blanket, offering a spot underneath. Tommy scoots over and curls into his side, and Wilbur leaves his arm around his little brother, letting his head rest on soft blond hair.

"Why am I here?" He rasps, not looking to see his father or older brother's reactions. "Why did you bring me back?" He's not angry, at least not yet, though he thinks he will be soon. He's just bitterly disappointed, and so, so tired.

"Because you're our family, Wil, and we missed you." There's a note of pleading in Phil's voice, but Wilbur just lets his eyes slide shut instead of looking up.

"You shouldn't have." Quiet and rough as his voice is, the edge of finality to it is unmistakable. "I gave you my sword to do the job, begged you to end my pain, what part of that made you think I'd want to come back?"

He hears Phil's breathing stutter, and he doesn't have to look to know that the older man is holding back tears. He rises and excuses himself unsteadily, and Wilbur can hear his footsteps moving away. A hand rests on his shoulder and gently tucks his hair behind his ear before moving away as Techno follows their father.

There's a long moment of silence before Wilbur feels Tommy curling into somehow an even tighter ball against him.

"Why'd you do it?" He whispers, voice almost too muffled for Wilbur to hear.

Wilbur doesn't open his eyes, the exhaustion of the void still lingering. "Do what.. blow it up? Tommy.. I already told you why. It wasn't L'Manberg anymore." He doesn't want to talk about this, but he can feel Tommy shaking his head.

"No, why'd you- why'd you make Phil- kill you?" His voice shakes as he stumbles over the word kill. Wilbur knows what he's really asking.

He sighs, letting his eyes open but making no other movement. "Because I wanted to die," He says, not unkindly. "Everything was... everything was too much, and I just wanted to rest. If Phil had refused, or hadn't been there at all, I would've done it myself."

Tommy makes a wounded noise and arms reach out, wrapping around Wilbur's torso. "Is that- Is that why you didn't wear armor? Because you were- you were planning to-"

"Yes." Wilbur says quietly. "Tommy, I... you were the one who removed the tnt from the button room. You know better than anyone that I never intended to make it out of that room alive."

Tommy's shoulders begin to shake, and Wilbur realizes with a distant sort of concern that he's crying. Drawing on his old instincts, he lifts his other arm and wraps it around his little brother.

"I'm tired, Tommy." He breathes, curling around the blond boy as he cries. "I'm sorry that I hurt you by leaving, but I can't- I just want to rest. I just want to _rest_ , Tommy, I'm so tired."

"I know," Tommy murmurs back, and sky gods, he sounds so _broken_. "I know, man, but you gotta hang on, okay? You gotta stay with us, at least a little longer."

Wilbur sighs. "..I don't know if I can." He confesses in a small voice. "I was so close to fading, Tommy, so close to being gone forever.. I don't think I can come back from that, man. I don't think I want to."

"You can," Tommy insists, wiggling out of the hug to grip Wilbur's shoulders and look him in the eye. "You can, you're stronger than- than the void or whatever shit's calling you. You're stronger than that, big man, you can come back." He scrambles up, darting to a nearby table and coming back with a notebook clutched in his hands. "Here- you'll see." He shoves it into Wilbur's hands and curls up in his previous position, eyes watching Wilbur's face intently.

Wilbur turns the book over in his hands, noting the familiar handwriting on the cover. "Tommy, what..?"

"Ghostbur- that's you as a ghost- wrote this and asked me to give it to you when you came back." Tommy swallows nervously, fidgeting with his hands.

Again, moving on instinct, Wilbur reaches out and ruffles his hair. The smile it brings to Tommy's face is worth it, even if his eyes still look far too old for a sixteen year-old. Turning back to the notebook, he fumbles with the cover before managing to get it open to the first page and starting to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, just to clarify, yeah wilbur's gonna be fucking pissed later. right now he's disoriented from being revived, and extra tired because he was in the final part of fading into the void when he was resurrected, and that doesn't just go away!! hes probably gonna spend a lot of time sleeping, and then when he has enough energy to feel things again hes gonna be furious so. fun times ahead :)
> 
> also! r we getting some ghostbur next chapter??? oh???? its the last time we're gonna hear from him instead of him just being mentioned, so get ready to say ur goodbyes i guess :)


	8. faith falls hard on our shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm Ghostbur!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro im not fuckigfjg ready.... :''
> 
> i miss ghostbur so much dude, as excited as i am that it's shaping up to look like wilbur's gonna come back

_Hello, I'm Ghostbur!_

_You don't know me and I don't remember a lot about you, but I'm your- well, your ghost, in a way._

_I only remember happy memories, so there's a lot I don't know about you. Sometimes people tell me you were a bad person, but Phil says you were just hurting. Is he right? I suppose I'll never know for sure._

_I'm writing to you because I'm going to be gone soon, and you won't be. I'm tired, Alivebur. I want to help people, want to make up for whatever happened that makes people look so sad when they talk about you. But.. I don't think I can do any more._

_I'm not you, not really. Not in the ways that matter, and I know that! And... they need **you**. Tommy wants you back, did you know? ~~Tommy asked me if I wanted to be revived, and he looked sad when I said no because it would be like dying for me.~~_

_I think I'm okay with dying now. I've done my part, you know. I've helped rebuild L'Manberg, and the lanterns- you remember the lanterns, the ones we used to make with Phil? I built some of those. The crater is a lake now, it's especially beautiful at night._

_I think you'll like it, when you get a chance to see it. Tubbo's president, do you remember? He's doing a very good job, I'm really proud of him. And Tommy, and Fundy, and Ranboo. Oh, wait, you don't know Ranboo, do you? He's very nice, I think you'll like him. A bit skittish, but he has a bad memory just like me! I think maybe that's why we get on so well, so I hope you get along with him too. He tried to tell Tubbo not to send me and Tommy on tour- lads on tour, haha! that was so fun- but I don't think it worked. I don't remember why me and Tommy went on tour, but I know Dream was there sometimes! He's a good guy, he said you two used to be friends._

_~~Sometimes I get a bad feeling from Dream, but I can never remember why.~~ He's our friend, right? And he took good care of Tommy on tour. Oh! I almost forgot to say, but if Dream asks where Tommy is, don't tell him he's at Techno's house. I think they're playing hide-and-seek, or something? I dunno, I can never remember when Tommy explains it. So, just remember to keep Tommy's hiding spot a secret so he can win the game, yeah?_

_Oh, since I'll be gone, can you make sure Friend is taken care of? He's a blue sheep, and he's our Friend! He's at Phil's house right now, but Techno and Tommy and Phil never go back to L'Manberg anymore. I dunno why, but whenever I go visit they never take me up on the offer to come along._

_Fundy's grown up so well, he's a cabinet member now! He built an ice cream shop with Ranboo, did you know? A little businessman already! :D He's really busy, tells me so when I try to talk to him, but I don't mind. He's so grown up now, really, I'm just glad to see him at all. Remember when he was little, and he hated dresses so we asked Techno for help and he sewed some little overalls? Fundy loved them so much! I wonder why he and Techno never talk? Probably because Fundy's so busy, yeah._

_He reminds me of Sally so much, sometimes. He's got the same exasperated look she used to get when we played tricks on her, remember that? How she'd pretend to be grumpy, and we tried to make her break character and laugh?_

~~_..I miss her, Alivebur. Why did she leave us? I can't remember. Even.. even if we weren't enough, Fundy was still there. Why didn't she stay for our son? Do you remember? I think Fundy wants to know, too, but I don't know what to tell him when even I don't know._ ~~

_Oh, that reminds me! I told Fundy he'd see us again, so at some point I really think you should go see him. Once you're ready, I mean. He doesn't say it, but I can tell he misses you. He needs you too, you know._

_I remember we met once, before I got here. I think it was when I just started existing. Did you send me here to look after them?_

~~_I'm sorry I couldn't do a better job. I think it might be up to you, now. I can't remember sad things, and there are so many sad things happening. I can't help them, Alivebur, not if I don't even understand when something is wrong._ ~~

_I tried, I really really did. I gave people blue when they got sad, and I built houses for people and lanterns, and a wishing well, and a crane above my sewer library. You should go see it if you have a chance, that's where all the history books are. I got almost everyone to write one for my library, you should go read them! Tommy wrote one that's very anatomically incorrect, and a little sexist in a few parts. I don't think you should read it out loud, but you'd probably think it was funny._

~~_Alivebur, I think something is wrong in L'Manberg. Tubbo and Tommy were both so sad when Tommy and I left to go on tour, and Quackity is so angry all the time now. Why is Fundy so busy? Why does Ranboo look so scared all the time? Why are their aprons stained like that? Why do they get mad when I mention Techno? And why do they all listen to Dream so much?_ ~~

_Dream is nice, he's our friend! ~~Isn't Dream who we founded L'Manberg to stand against?~~ He takes such good care of Tommy. ~~Why does Tommy look so scared when he comes to visit?~~ He's our friend, right?_

_..My head hurts. I can't read what I wrote just above. Is it something sad? Why would I write something sad?_

_My head hurts a lot. I think it happens when I'm trying to remember, or piece something together. ~~It especially happens when I think about Dream.~~ I dunno why though, he's really nice!_

_Alivebur, I think it's gonna have to be you who figures out what's going on. I lose whole chunks of time, every so often. I can't help them like this._

~~_Help who? Why do I feel like there's something wrong, something urgent? Who do we need to protect, and from what?_ ~~

_Whatever it is, I'm going to trust it to you. Before you rest, please make sure everyone is safe. If for no other reason, then consider it my last wishes._

_Tommy said that even though I'm not you, I'm still his brother. I'm writing that down because I don't want it to be forgotten with me. Take care of him for me, please? He needs you. They all do._

_Maybe I'll see you again someday, after everything is over on your end. I'd like to talk to you, I think. Didn't really get a chance last time._

_From one bur to another.. good luck._

_I started my introduction by saying hello, I'm Ghostbur, didn't I?_

_Goodbye, I'm Ghostbur!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhh dcnfdkbs ;;~;;
> 
> i miss he,,,,,
> 
> and because i want to feel pain ofc i used the lines from after lmanberg got memed on,,, i was watching his pov and it broke my heart when he said it :''' wilbur fuckin soot, dude, hes so good at that kind of stuff jeez


	9. hope has turned to aching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He failed his son. He knows this, and yet it's never hit him as hard as it just had hearing his boy's hoarse voice lay it out plainly- he doesn't want to come back. Doesn't want to be alive.
> 
> That's his son, his boy, and he doesn't want to live. Phil chokes on a sob and rests his head on Technoblade's shoulder as gentle arms come around his shoulders. The pair stand, lost in memories, as words too quiet to understand sound from the other room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally just self-indulgent phil & techno angst lmaoo

Phil barely makes it to the kitchen before he breaks down, a hand over his mouth to muffle any noise he might make. His sons are already dealing with enough, especially Wilbur and Tommy, he doesn't want to burden them with this.

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he turns to see his eldest looking at him with understanding in his eyes. They both feel the same, in some ways, especially about this.

He failed his son. He knows this, and yet it's never hit him as hard as it just had hearing his boy's hoarse voice lay it out plainly- he doesn't want to come back. Doesn't want to be alive.

That's his son, his boy, and he doesn't want to live. Phil chokes on a sob and rests his head on Technoblade's shoulder as gentle arms come around his shoulders. The pair stand, lost in memories, as words too quiet to understand sound from the other room.

Phil remembers the first time he met the twins, watching him from behind a broken Nether portal with wary eyes. He remembers how one of them put himself in front of his brother, snarling at Phil, until he offered food and earned their trust by giving them shelter and killing mobs before they could go near the children.

He remembers them growing, remembers how Wilbur started shorter than his brother but shot up like a weed, while Technoblade remained a stronger fighter. He remembers helping Wilbur dye his hair for the first time, remembers how they tried a few colors before settling on brown. He remembers when he found out Wilbur was filing down his tusks, and he'd sat him down and had a conversation about while it was his choice to make, he didn't need to hide his hybrid traits.

He remembers giving Wilbur his first guitar, and the smile that lit up his boy's face when he offered to teach him how to play. He remembers Wilbur complaining about Tommy when he first came to live with them, while being fiercely protective of him all the same. He remembers the way Wilbur wrote, only neat when he was trying to make it be, but usually fast scribbles most other people couldn't decipher. He remembers the first time Wilbur sang them a song he'd written, and how he had practically glowed with pride when they applauded.

He remembers how independent Wilbur always was, how he'd accept help only in the form of giving Tommy orders or when it was forced on him by Techno or Phil. He remembers, too, how some of the only times Wilbur had ever approached him to ask for help had been after Sally left, when he was struggling to raise Fundy alone while dealing with his own grief. He remembers the way Wilbur had looked at his tiny son, eyes full of love and pride.

He remembers the determination on Wilbur's face as he left home to explore the world. He had the same need to wander as Phil, though perhaps less all-consuming, and he traveled wherever the wind took him. He remembers getting the letter that said Wilbur was going to live with Tommy on the Dream SMP, and how he'd been glad that his two younger boys would have each other.

He remembers the glow on Wilbur's face, the way he'd run in the rain just for the thrill of it, the way he'd once laughed off being hit by lightning while Techno panicked and fussed over him. He remembers how much Wilbur loved life, loved being alive and traveling and music and a hundred other things, and he wonders when his son lost his hope for the future. He wonders when his eyes became so dull and haunted, when he fell apart so far that he couldn't stand the thought of an attempt to put him back together.

He remembers the smell of smoke on the air, and the overwhelming relief in his son's eyes as the sword cut through his chest. He remembers the feeling of his son's blood staining his hands and shirt as he held him close and grieved. He remembers how weak Wilbur's voice was when he thanked Phil for killing him in his last moments, remembers the soft smile reminiscent of music and light and laughter, in a wooden cabin worlds away. He wonders when his son had given up on living, and he weeps.

Techno remembers being young, in the Nether, and knowing instinctively that the boy beside him was someone he had to keep safe, at any cost. He remembers standing between his brother and potential threats, over and over again, until a blond man offered them food and safety and became their father.

He remembers the way Wilbur would creep over to his bed in the night when he couldn't sleep because of nightmares, and how they would curl up together as Techno's presence calmed Wilbur enough for him to sleep. He remembers promises whispered in the dead of night that he would always be there for his brother, always keep him safe. Wilbur had still believed him, back then. He doesn't know when that changed.

He remembers sparring with Wilbur, insistent that he learn how to defend himself even though he dislikes fighting, because even so young he knows he might not always be able to protect his brother and he's desperate to make sure he'll be safe. He remembers constant bickering over Wilbur's refusal to wear armor, remembers how he'd argue mostly for the sake of it before inevitably giving in. He should've seen, should've known what it meant when the result of that bickering changed in Pogtopia.

He remembers how enamored his brother was with life, how sometimes at night he was quietly grateful that they had gone through that abandoned portal if it meant his brother could live in the Overworld, where he was far happier than he had ever been in the Nether. He remembers stargazing, just the two of them, and the way Wilbur would softly strum his guitar with no real purpose other than to provide a quiet backdrop to the wonders of the cosmos. He wonders when Wilbur lost sight of the stars, when he gave up on the hope that the distant lights had always meant to them.

He remembers Wilbur's son, how fiercely he loved him, how he would come to Techno and ask for help learning to make clothes for his kid, or asking him to babysit. He remembers holding his brother as he cried after his wife left, how he'd sat up and quickly wiped his tears before putting on a smile when Fundy toddled in. He knew, he'd always known Wilbur would hide his emotions from people he didn't want to see him break. What he doesn't know is when he was added to that list.

He remembers how brightly Wilbur used to smile, how it lit up his eyes and radiated warmth. He remembers the sound of his brother's laugh, how it filled the space around them and would set off whoever he was talking to. He doesn't remember when Wilbur's smile shrank and stopped reaching his eyes, when his laugh became devoid of humor.

He remembers feeling pain in his chest as if he were the one struck by the sword, remembers the sheer disbelief in the first few seconds- surely not. Not his brother, his other half, not _Wilbur_. He could lose almost anyone, but not his family. Not his twin. He remembers feeling the exact moment Wilbur's heart stopped beating like a physical blow, remembers how limply his brother lay in their father's arms. He remembers the scene in high detail, the blood trailing from his brother's lips and staining his shirt, the way he stared with glassy eyes until Phil closed them for him with a shaking hand. He knows he failed his brother, he knows he was there and couldn't save him. If he had just realized what was happening sooner, he could have done something, anything except encourage the path he hadn't recognized was self-destructive until it was too late.

They're going to make up for it, father and brother alike. They weren't there, they didn't understand, but they do now and they'll be damned if they're going to fail their family again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> n e way would anyone like to hear abt my minecraft pets? i have too many horses at different bases but at my favorite base there's two, and I have five cats and sixteen dogs, one for every dye color :) i'd love to talk abt them tbh, i gave them all names
> 
> i mean also theres the fish, i built like. u know those shark tunnel things that are in aquariums where its like a glass tunnel going through a tank w aquatic life?? yeah, one of those except its just a glass room and there are no sharks
> 
> the point of that anecdote was that i also have a bunch of fish dolphins & turtles in that area, and i named them all individually when they were still spawn eggs lmao
> 
> there's a village like. rlly close to my mushroom cottage since im right on the edge of the biome, and ive been teaching myself minecraft house design by building houses for them based on the ones they already have. ive also gotten them jobs and max leveled them for trades, and i built a library for them bc they didnt have one and i wanted librarians. i got them more farms too, and ill occasionally go use bonemeal on their crops and use the hoe to plant potatoes since i dont think they have hoes
> 
> i also made a fishpond near the village! its at like. an intersection of four biomes with mushroom, regular grassy area, desert, and on the other side of the grass from the desert is the start of a swamp :) so basically i fenced off a bit of the swamp where it was deeper near the shore, and i put lots of fish there and named them all friend so they wouldnt despawn
> 
> i mean thats only the start of what ive built in that world, but its the current base im staying in and tbh im pretty sure its my favorite
> 
> let me think, on that world ive built, in order,,,
> 
> \- aquarium  
> \- ominous mystical cavern home  
> \- summer-vacation-vibe house on a jungle overhang  
> \- treasure house on a desert island with a lava moat  
> \- mushroom treehouse cottage!!! <3  
> \- village expansion  
> \- little cozy red sandstone house on a floating soulsand island in the nether  
> \- lava strider farm connected to aforementioned island house  
> \- cow pit cow pit cow pit  
> \- not-shark tunnel  
> \- the Glass Ravine- aka a village with a ravine down the middle, and i used colored glass (green + orange for grass/paths respectively) to cover it and thought that was dope enough to mark it and come back at some point  
> \- my most recent project, a house made of jungle wood on a mountain with llamas and no jungle trees in sight.... yet >:)
> 
> n e way thanks for reading! if u cant tell, i rlly enjoy my minecraft world lmaoo
> 
> i named it diamond highway, and if u guess why then you. you dont get a prize but ill tell you the whole scale of what ive done so :'
> 
> also there might be more bases ive forgotten? i just have a shit ton of compasses in my ender chest lmaoo
> 
> if i remember one ill just say something abt it :)


	10. on the edge of it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns to go further inside to let Phil know he's back, and stiffens as he feels eyes on him. He turns to look, seeing two figures curled together on the couch. One is a sleeping Tommy, and the other is a person who looks a lot like Ghostbur. The latter makes a noise of realization and shifts his gaze, looking beside Ranboo instead of at him. Ranboo can feel himself relax, moving cautiously to perch in the armchair near the couch.
> 
> "..Hello." He says quietly, taking off his crown and fidgeting with it.
> 
> "Hello." The person responds, and his voice is like Ghostbur's but deeper so Ranboo assumes whatever they were doing to bring back Alivebur worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ranboo chapter ranboo chapter !!!
> 
> ppl seemed interested in my minecraft pets last chapter, so sometime today im gonna go on and write all their names down bc there are. a lot. so like,, end notes one of the next few chapters :) i lov they,,,
> 
> also fun fact! i do write ranboo stumbling over his words a lot bc i do that and i relate to him. the way i decide where he messes up or backtracks is by reading his lines and wherever i misspeak, that's where i write him misspeaking :)

It's nearing dark when Ranboo returns to the house, torn between his desire to not get in the way and his desire to not worry anyone. He slips in through the door and brushes the light covering of snow off his shoulders with a wince. Snow doesn't hurt as badly as rain, but he really should've waited to take his gloves off before brushing himself off.

He turns to go further inside to let Phil know he's back, and stiffens as he feels eyes on him. He turns to look, seeing two figures curled together on the couch. One is a sleeping Tommy, and the other is a person who looks a lot like Ghostbur. The latter makes a noise of realization and shifts his gaze, looking beside Ranboo instead of at him. Ranboo can feel himself relax, moving cautiously to perch in the armchair near the couch.

"..Hello." He says quietly, taking off his crown and fidgeting with it.

"Hello." The person responds, and his voice is like Ghostbur's but deeper so Ranboo assumes whatever they were doing to bring back Alivebur worked. "Are you Ranboo, then?"

He jerks his head up and nods, looking at Alivebur's chin. "Yeah! Yeah, uh, I'm Ranboo. Do you.. remember me?"

Alivebur shakes his head, lifting the notebook in his lap. "Ghostbur wrote me something to bring me up to speed. Said you two got on because of your memory issues, or something."

Ranboo nods again, twisting his crown in a circle. "Yeah, we- we didn't talk much, but we got along fine. It's nice to, to know someone who- gets it." He gestures toward his head, smiling awkwardly.

Alivebur nods. "Hey, can you answer a few questions for me? Ghostbur's perspective is... unique, but not especially informative."

Ranboo pauses, pulling out his memory book. "I mean. Memory issues, but I can try! If it's something I wrote down, I'd be happy to tell you about it."

Alivebur offers him a slight smile, and something tells Ranboo it's the most the man can muster. "Thanks. So, first thing, what's this.. lads on tour thing he wrote about? Something about Tubbo sending him and Tommy away?"

Ranboo bites his lip, lowering his book. "Ah. That.. that I remember. It goes a bit further back, um. When I first got here, I didn't really- know anyone? And Tommy befriended me and took me to steal from someone's house with him, I forget whose. But anyway, I know we accidentally burned it down, and Dream got... really mad. He built obsidian walls around L'Manberg, and I don't know what he said to Tubbo but it was enough to make him agree to exile Tommy."

Alivebur sits up straighter. "Exile," He repeats, and his voice is flat and cold.

Ranboo flinches, and the other seems to notice and softens his tone. "Sorry. Keep going?"

Ranboo flips through his memory book, trying to gather his thoughts. "Um. He- he said it was only him who burned the house because he was trying to protect me, I think, and I tried- I tried to help him, but Dream..." He bites his lip again, trailing off before picking up the story with a gap. Alivebur's eyes narrow a little, but he says nothing. "I think you- or Ghostbur, I guess- went with him and Dream to Logstedshire. I visited, and I know some other people did too, but um.. I don't- I don't think what happened is for me to tell, even if I remembered."

He curls into himself, watching Alivebur anxiously in his peripheral vision. Alivebur hums but doesn't press the topic, leaning back thoughtfully. "Okay." He says eventually, glancing near Ranboo. "Tell me a bit about yourself, then, Ranboo. We've never met, and if you're here this late I assume you're living here or something."

Ranboo lifts one shoulder in a sort of shrug. "I guess? For now, at least, until- until it's safe, I think."

He bites his lip, flipping to the front of his memory book and reading off the pages. "Um. I'm Ranboo, I'm part enderman, I'm 6'6", and I'm older than Tommy but I don't remember by how much. I'm-" He pauses and corrects himself, scribbling out a line with a pen pulled from his pocket. "I _was_ the minutes man for L'Manberg."

"Minutes man?" Alivebur blinks at him. It's not a position that had been around when he was president, but then again his government had consisted of roughly three people.

Ranboo nods. "I'm always writing things down so I don't forget, so I- I took the minutes, in cabinet meetings."

"Why is that a 'was'?"

Ranboo frowns, flipping to the most recent pages but not looking at them. "Well. Phil saved me from lava, so I owe him, right? And he asked me to bring him a woodland mansion map so I did, only.. Quackity and Fundy followed me. And when they saw I was meeting with wanted criminals..." He shrinks into himself, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Alivebur frowns, but he seems more concerned than angry. "Fundy.. did he try to hurt you? ..How is he?"

Ranboo shakes his head hurriedly. "No, um, neither of them hurt me. Phil got me out of there before anything could happen, so." He offers an awkward smile and moves on before Alivebur can point out that he hasn't actually answered his question. "He's doing okay, I think! Or.. he was when I left. We.. we would build things together, like the ice cream shop."

Alivebur speaks gently, sensing the teen's troubled emotions. "Yeah, Ghostbur mentioned that."

Ranboo looks up in surprise before averting his gaze again, a shy smile on his face. He cared- cares- a lot about the builds he's helped with, especially those with his (former?) best friend. So to hear that Ghostbur liked one enough to mention it to the him being resurrected.. it means the world to the lanky teen.

"He did? ..Cool." Despite his casual tone, the pleased flush is incredibly visible on the white half of his face. "That's- cool."

He fidgets a moment longer before working up the courage to ask. "I'm sorry, but um.. what's your name? Because you've always just been Ghostbur or Alivebur, and if someone's told me your real name I can't remember.."

Alivebur actually laughs a little at that, and though it's small and strained, it's genuine. "It's fine, Ranboo, don't worry. My name's Wilbur."

Ranboo nods, turning pages in his memory book and scribbling down the name. "Okay. Thanks, Ali-Wilbur."

Wilbur nods, his eyes slipping halfway closed as he runs out of energy from the short conversation. "Do you have any pets, Ranboo?" He asks wearily, making a guess at a topic the teen might enjoy. When he glances over and sees the way the hybrid's face lights up, he knows his hunch was spot-on.

"Yeah, a few. I actually just found one yesterday, do you want me to go get her?"

Wilbur nods. "Sure."

Ranboo scrambles to get up and disappears for a moment, before trotting back with a black-and-white ball of fluff held carefully. He gently deposits the bundle in Wilbur's lap, and Wilbur's eyes widen as the small animal uncurls to reveal floppy ears, sniffing at his hand curiously.

"Her name's Ranbun," Ranboo explain softly, looking at the little bunny with unabashed affection. "I found her in the snow and she looked like me, so I brought her back and Phil said it was okay to keep her since they already have so many animals, and anyway we're gonna get the rest of my pets soon."

Wilbur strokes the bunny's head gently, a tiny smile slipping onto his face unbidden at the way her whiskers tickle his hand when she nudges him. "She's adorable," He says softly, trying not to wake Tommy.

Ranboo beams at him, and again he knows he's said the right thing. "Thank you! I'm really glad I found her, she always seems to know when I need help calming down."

Wilbur pats the couch on his other side, and Ranboo hesitantly moves to sit next to him. "You said you have other pets. Tell me about them?" He suggests, keeping his eyes on the bunny to avoid making the ender hybrid uncomfortable. He pets the bunny and just breathes as he listens to Ranboo talk excitedly about cats and a parrot, and the trouble they get up to.

From the kitchen, Techno's eyes soften as he sees the way Ranboo's presence helps his twin. Wilbur has always had the instinct to take care of other people, especially those younger than him, and Techno finds he might not mind the young hybrid living there as much as the boy curls his knees in front of him and tells in a very serious manner a story about one of his cats deciding to go exploring and he and Tommy having to go rescue it before Sapnap could find it. It's a ridiculous tale, and Ranboo's clearly making up the parts he doesn't remember- which is, apparently, most parts, as he describes him and Tommy (mostly Tommy) facing Sapnap and Antfrost, who's now in the story for some reason, in an incredible fight that Techno knows he would've heard about had it actually happened. Wilbur nods along solemnly anyway as Ranboo gestures excitedly, reenacting a last-minute double-crossing on Antfrost's part as the hybrid apparently decides to side with his fellow cats rather than their would-be killer. Techno rolls his eyes, but he's smiling a little. Yeah, maybe having the kid around won't be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> technosoft...
> 
> also we joke abt phil a lot so wilbur slips under the rader, but he really does go around collecting sibling figures, doesn't he? n e way, ranboo joined after he died and since he doesn't have ghostbur's memories, i needed the two of them to meet & bond :)
> 
> today, i offer you fluff. next chapter...? :)
> 
> i don't have like. a lot planned in terms of plot tbh, but i can tell you a few things.
> 
> one, dream is going to show up, and the stuff he did to tommy in exile is canon as this happens after that.  
> two, i've hinted a bit but there is more to ranboo than meets the eye.  
> three, ranboo is in fact incredibly protective after 'imprinting' on someone. i wonder if that reminds you of the same legends it reminds me of..?  
> four, the early ranboo we're seeing is anxious and stressed, and so he's very cautious/reactive right now, if that makes sense? at some point in the future, however, he is going to go absolutely fucking feral  
> and finally five, some or all of these points are connected by more than just being about ranboo :)


	11. you've lost the will to fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay bc im gonna run out of room down below ill do my regular notes here
> 
> soft ranboo momence bc user knifehappypsycho commented a scenario cute enough it lived in my head rent-free until i wrote it so :'
> 
> also i wanna explain what's going on/will be going on w wilbur. so basically since i'm speedrunning my own trauma recovery process in this fic also, there's gonna be some going back and forth between moments of extreme emotion and complete apathy. also i hope this chapter makes it more clear that wilbur functioning semi-normally was a front he was putting up for tommy n ranboo bc they r children and he doesnt wanna put this on them. also yes, he will lash out/get pissed but Not at either of the minors, they might be around but none of it is gonna be directed at them!! so you can rest easy abt that,, good wilbur & tommy sibling momence only and ranboo deserves good things ok hes babey :)
> 
> also.
> 
> 158 pets. 158 named pets. yall asked for this. I HAVE MORE UNNAMED COWS WHAT THE FUCK. I DIDN'T EVEN COUNT THE ONES AT THE AQUARIUM THERES A BUNCH OF DOLPHINS NAMED FRIEND SO THEY WONT DESPAWN AND TROPICAL FISH NAMED,,,, SOMETHING IDK FOR SIMILAR REASONS
> 
> am. am i a crazy pet person. is that my life now. i'm still collecting more i only have one parrot. i didn't mean to call myself out like this guys what the fuck

Ranboo stirs at some point during the night, soft noises escaping him as the warmth under him shifts. Then there's a hand in his hair, stroking it gently, and a low, hesitant rumble starts in his throat as he curls closer and sinks back into slumber.

He's woken by angry whispering, making an inquisitive sound as he starts to come to full awareness. The whispers stop, and a moment later when his eyes open partway he's met with a familiar face peering down at him. He blinks hazily, and Wilbur's face comes into focus, smiling despite the tension around his eyes.

"Hey, Ranboo. You awake?"

Ranboo blinks again, the words taking a moment to register in his sleep-fogged brain.

"..Hi." He croaks, beginning the process of shifting to sit up.

"Hello." Wilbur sounds vaguely amused, helping the teen to a sitting position. It's only then that Ranboo realizes he was asleep curled into Wilbur's side, much like Tommy still is on his other side, and his face flushes in mortification.

"Oh- did I fall asleep on you? I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine." Wilbur waves a hand. "Be a bit hypocritical to say I mind, seeing as Tommy's still asleep on me."

Ranboo considers the point for a moment before lifting one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. It's different; Tommy is Wilbur's brother so of course it's fine if he falls asleep on him, but he doesn't want to upset the man by arguing so he lets it go.

One of his ears flicks at the sound of someone shifting, and it's only when he turns to look that he realizes Phil is there, watching the trio with undisguised fondness on his face. There's a bit of pain, too, and for a moment Ranboo wonders what the whispering right before he woke was about, but he quickly decides it's none of his business.

"It's still pretty early. You could go back to sleep, if you'd like." Wilbur offers, voice gentle. Ranboo bites his lip, torn between how nice that sounds and how much he doesn't want to be a nuisance.

"I should check on Ranbun, make sure she eats," He deflects, unaware of his ears drooping and the tip of his tail flicking sadly as he comes to a decision.

Phil sees the pitiful picture he makes and pushes down how much it reminds him of a pouting young boy in a yellow sweater. "I can go feed her, no worries," He offers, and has to hide his smile at the surprised expression on Ranboo's face.

"Oh, I mean- I don't want to inconvenience you, so-"

Phil waves a hand dismissively. "It's no trouble, mate. Seriously, go back to sleep."

Ranboo searches his face for a moment before slowly nodding, settling back down with his head on Wilbur's shoulder. "..Okay. Thank you, Phil."

Phil nods, heading out to do just that. "S'no trouble, mate."

Ranboo's eyes slide mostly closed over the next few minutes, his awareness drifting in and out. At some point he feels a hand settle in his hair and nails gently scritching his scalp, and his floppy ears flick contentedly as the small, intermittent purring starts again. At some point he vaguely hears a surprised noise and immediate shushing, but he's comfortable and merely shifts a little before settling back down into slumber. A little later another, somewhat less gentle hand joins the first, scratching behind his ear. The ear flicks several times, and the purring gets stronger, less shaky. There's a quiet noise of delight from somewhere above him, and more shushing. The last part finally gets him to stir, yawning squeakily.

The hands retreat, and he blinks open his eyes to see Tommy looking back at him with a grin. "Hey, big man, you awake?"

Ranboo nods, pushing himself into a sitting position and glancing around. The white side of his face flushes grey as he sees the rest of the group scattered around the room, their attention drawn to him when he woke up. He shrinks back on himself and they quickly look away, remembering his enderman heritage.

"Good morning." Wilbur says quietly from where the teen is still curled into his side, wrapped in warm blankets. Ranboo hides his face in his hands, squeaking out what he thinks might be a greeting of some kind based on Tommy's laugh. He quickly excuses himself to go get ready for the day, Phil asking Tommy to go with him and help him find clothing appropriate for the biome, since his suit wouldn't keep him very warm.

Wilbur keeps himself upright until the teens are gone, letting himself slump back onto the couch. He doesn't miss the concerned glance Phil and Techno share, but he's honestly too exhausted to care. They went against his wishes and forced him to be alive again, he doesn't owe them shit and he's not going to pretend for them. He barely has the energy to keep emoting when Tommy and Ranboo are around, he's not going to waste it on people who wouldn't believe him anway.

"Anything else, or can I sleep?" He grumbles, shuffling further into the warm spot. He feels the couch dip as Techno sits next to him. Once, he would have moved to lean on his brother, or moved away if it was one of his bad days. Once, he would have done anything but ignore the presence that used to be a comfort, but now made him feel nothing. He doesn't protest, though, as Techno carefully does the moving for him, putting an arm around him and pulling him to lean against the older twin. It's not a desire to not be near him, it's just that Wilbur can't be bothered one way or another.

He wonders if the first thing to go as he faded into the void was his emotions and desires, and if they'd been left behind when he was brought back. He thinks it doesn't really matter, in the end. He's here and he's apathetic, and he knows his family won't let him go so easily a second time.

"You should probably eat something," Phil says, footsteps moving toward the kitchen. "Just something light while you readjust to needing food."

Wilbur sighs a little, and distantly wonders if he can get away with not eating. A sidelong glance at Techno firmly sinks that idea. He recognizes the stubborn look in his eyes, and knows it's either eat or Techno will make him. He wonders if he should feel something more than vague disappointment at that, and thinks that probably doesn't matter either.

Wilbur passively accepts the food, and that more than anything has Techno worried. In Pogtopia, even if he was shaking and on the verge of passing out from hunger, Wilbur would still fight to not eat if he didn't want to. Techno had had to trick, cajole, sometimes outright force him, and yet even though he can see the lack of enthusiasm in Wilbur's eyes, he doesn't even offer a token protest. Phil seems to think that might be a good thing, smiling encouragingly, but Techno was there when Wilbur spiraled and he knows better.

Wilbur never complies that easily, even if it's something he wants as well. When it's something he doesn't.. making him do it anyway takes all of Techno's abilities sometimes. He's always had a fire burning inside him, pushing him to fight and rebel and weave words together to build anything he can dream of. But as Techno looks at him now, all he can see are ashes long gone cold. He hopes it's just a temporary side effect of resurrection, that the amount of energy needed to keep a body going as opposed to a ghost was just making his brother tired. But something in him is saying it isn't that simple, it can't be, of course it can't. When is anything involving Wilbur ever 'simple'? Still, he hopes. Hopes that somewhere under the ashes, there are still embers holding heat. Because if there isn't, he doesn't know what to do. How can he help someone who actively doesn't want to be helped?

He doesn't know, and he's terrified that very soon he's going to have to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my pets <3333 i love them sm i would kill for these strings of code :)
> 
> PIGS  
> pig (14)
> 
> SHEEP  
> woolly (11)  
> jeb_ (16)
> 
> COWS  
> cow (14)  
> moo cow (4)
> 
> BUNNIES  
> toast (4)
> 
> PARROTS  
> red bird (red)
> 
> PUFFERFISH  
> ares  
> nyx  
> eris  
> mars  
> sharp  
> spiky  
> biter  
> stinger  
> aggressive mob  
> registered weapon
> 
> TROPICAL FISH  
> hera  
> juno  
> beetlegeuse  
> becker  
> bentley  
> firecracker (red & white, named before being spawned)  
> sparkler  
> rainbow  
> shiny  
> king  
> little friend
> 
> CODFISH  
> artemis  
> diana  
> hestia  
> athena  
> passive mob  
> villager  
> ringer  
> ding-dong  
> dunky  
> babey
> 
> SALMON  
> charon  
> persephone  
> hades  
> pluto  
> eurydice  
> orpheus  
> thanatos  
> cerberus  
> puppy  
> flamethrower
> 
> TURTLES  
> aphrodite  
> venus  
> hephaestus  
> buddy  
> bulk  
> armored tank  
> helmet  
> massive shield  
> tuttle  
> kneecaps
> 
> LLAMAS  
> war (brown, red blanket)  
> pestilence (brown, lime blanket)  
> famine (brown, brown blanket)  
> death (brown, black blanket)
> 
> CATS  
> anastasia (yellow, blue eyes)  
> ivanka (yellow, blue eyes)  
> natalia (orange, green eyes)  
> fyodor (white, blue eyes)  
> yeller (tabby, yellow eyes)  
> shouter (tabby, yellow eyes)
> 
> DOGS  
> pup (green collar)  
> howl (purple collar)  
> good dog (blue collar)  
> also good dog (orange collar)  
> clifford (red collar)  
> doggo (black collar)  
> niki (pink collar)  
> sunshine (yellow collar)  
> greg (cyan collar)  
> pond (light blue collar)  
> leaf (lime collar)  
> dirt (brown collar)  
> snowfall (light grey collar)  
> ashes (dark grey collar)  
> compass rose (magenta collar)  
> invisible collar (white collar)
> 
> HORSES  
> beacon (black, diamond armor)  
> sentinel (white, black leather armor)  
> watcher (light brown, red leather armor)  
> signal (brown & white, iron armor)  
> seeker (light brown, orange leather armor)  
> looker (white, black leather armor)  
> phantom (white, purple leather armor)  
> ghost (white, light grey leather armor)  
> spectre (black & white, gold armor)  
> wanderlust (light brown, lime leather armor)  
> dancer (black, gold armor)  
> runner (white, diamond armor)
> 
> thats all for now! guarantee i'll have more soon lmao,, i just love my pets sm ;-; if u want more details abt these funky kids just ask i'm sure there's something i can tell u lmao :'
> 
> thanks for reading!


	12. no air here left to breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you wanted to help me, you wouldn't have brought me back." Wilbur's voice is flat, with an edge of irritation. And maybe it's not a good development, but it's the most emotion he's shown since immediately after the resurrection, so Techno will roll with it.
> 
> "You're family." He says quietly, aware that they've had this conversation before and will likely have it again.
> 
> "Oh, and that means you can do whatever you want with absolutely no respect for my wishes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sdkfjdb its like 2am and i wrote this instead of the research paper due tomorrow :' why do i do this to myself
> 
> too tired to edit much, if u see a typo... no u dont <3

It's been three days since Wilbur was brought back, and it isn't getting any better. He'd discovered on the second day that his formerly fatal injury still hurts, as if it had never truly healed even though it's nothing more than a scar now. The pain comes and goes, and the first time he'd felt it he'd collapsed on the floor of the room that had just been chosen as his, clawing at his chest. He couldn't draw breath enough to make any sound, but Phil had heard the thud when he hit the ground and come running. Something about the guilt and fear on his face was too much for Wilbur, and he'd wheezed at him to _get out, leave him alone-_

Phil had fled, and from then on it was Techno who helped him through the attacks. Wilbur feels a little bad for snapping at his father, but he just doesn't have the energy to apologize. He doesn't have the energy for most things, spending his time either sleeping or sitting with Tommy and Ranboo. Putting up a front for the teens is exhausting, and it uses up almost all of the little energy he gets from sleeping.

Things come to a head when Techno sits down to talk with him, eyeing him with a soft worry he's growing so very tired of. He asks if Wilbur knows why he still has such little energy, and Wilbur can barely muster the will to roll his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure, yeah."

Techno waits for an elaboration that never comes. "And? Is it permanent?"

Wilbur tilts his head back, staring emptily at the ceiling. "Hell if I know."

Techno sighs, trying not to get frustrated. "Wilbur, I want to help you, but I can't if you don't talk to me-"

"If you wanted to help me, you wouldn't have brought me back." Wilbur's voice is flat, with an edge of irritation. And maybe it's not a good development, but it's the most emotion he's shown since immediately after the resurrection, so Techno will roll with it.

"You're family." He says quietly, aware that they've had this conversation before and will likely have it again.

"Oh, and that means you can do whatever you want with absolutely no respect for my wishes?" Wilbur snaps, voice slightly louder. Distantly, Techno can hear conversation in the other room stop. Wilbur doesn't appear to have noticed, hauling himself to a sitting position with far more effort than it would normally take. "I wanted one fucking thing, Technoblade, one fucking thing, and that was to stay dead! And I was this fucking close, too, but _no_ you couldn't have- couldn't wait an hour, could you? You just had to ruin the only peace I've found since the goddamn revolution started!"

Techno suddenly can't breathe. "You- what do you mean, waited an hour? What are you talking about?" He doesn't like the implications, doesn't like how close he's beginning to suspect they'd come to losing their chance at saving his brother.

"It _means_ I was fading into the fucking void, Technoblade! I got rid of my regrets by sending that- ghost me here so that I could finally rest. And I was so fucking close, too- if you had only waited a little longer, I would've been gone for good, but of course you can't even let me have that much!"

A strangled sound comes from the doorway, and regret immediately flashes across Wilbur's face as he looks over, seeing Tommy there with teary eyes and a hand over his mouth. He immediately deflates, raising an arm a little to invite Tommy into a hug as the high-strung emotion of moments before drains away, leaving him an empty shell of a person again. Tommy runs to his older brother and curls into him, trembling. Wilbur wraps his arms around the boy clinging to him as though his grip is the only thing keeping him from shattering and murmurs soothing words too softly for Techno to pick up on them.

He doesn't know if he could anyway, his mind reeling from the revelation of how close they had come to really losing his brother, forever. If they had been an hour later...

He leaves the room, fastening the mask hanging from his belt onto his face and pulling his cape over his shoulders. Grabbing his sword, he quickly checks on Phil to find Ranboo sat next to him, tail curling gently around his wrist and speaking in an awkward but kind manner. Reassured that Phil will be alright at least until Techno gets his head back on right, he leaves and goes into the forest to find mobs to take his tangled emotions out on. If he's lucky, maybe he'll find a cave with a large group.

Even with his warm clothing and natural resistance to cold, his ears are chilled when Chat alerts him to a new presence in the cave he'd just cleared of mobs.

"Fuck off, Dream." He grumbles, stalking back toward the cave entrance with his sword held loosely in his hands.

"Touchy," Dream remarks lightly, moving into step beside Technoblade despite the numerous indicators that his presence is unwelcome. "I won't take much of your time. Just wondering if you'd seen Tommy recently."

Technoblade keeps walking, face stony. "No. And we both know I'm just about the last person he'd come to for shelter considering what happened the last time we saw each other, so what do you really want."

"Is it so hard to believe I might just want to check in with a friend?" Dream's mocking smile is visible below his dumb fucking mask.

"You and I are not and will never be friends." Technoblade's grip tightens on his sword, his temper rapidly fraying. "You might be a mildly annoying enemy to deal with, though, so I suggest you get the fuck away from me before I start getting impatient."

Dream has the gall to laugh, and the wisdom to start walking away. The blood god does not make idle threats. He pauses a little ways away, turning back and smiling. "Oh, one more thing. If you happen to see Ranboo, let him know L'Manberg is looking for him. They seem awfully... concerned about his whereabouts."

**_technosoft technosoft_ **

**_technobro!!_ **

**_ranbro pog???_ **

**_protect him!!_ **

**_dont trust dream hes shady_ **

**_KILL DREAM_ **

**_e_ **

**_lol technosoft_**

Technoblade remembers a boy standing with hunched shoulders as his world crumbles around him, remembers him kneeling in the snow and trembling, remembers how gently he'd held the bunny in his arms as he asked Phil if he could keep her, remembers him purring in a drowsy state where he dozed against Wilbur, remembers his tail around Phil's wrist in an attempt at comfort, and he stares Dream down and makes a choice.

"What, is he homeless now or somethin'?" He asks, voice bland. Dream's smile freezes.

"Technoblade, I swear to god, do not-"

"Like you?"

"I am NOT-"

"You know, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes you're the admin of a world and you don't have enough resources to build yourself a base even though you've been there for literal months. It happens." His voice remains monotone throughout, but his mouth ticks up at the edges. "Not to me, of course, but y'know. You don't have to pretend to have a house, man, it's okay. We understand."

"I have a house!"

Technoblade nods sympathetically. "Of course, of course. I believe you. We all do."

Dream is scowling. "I do!"

"And I believe you. Everyone does, Dream." His voice drips sarcasm as he turns, walking back in the direction of his house. "Chat, he doesn't have a house. Don't make fun of him, okay? It's not right to mock the homeless." He lowers his voice, but makes sure it's still incredibly audible.

The wordless snarl of frustration from behind him is enough to ease his prior disquiet, but his mood sobers as he crests a hill and returns to his house. 

It might be a good thing that Wilbur, even for just a few minutes, seemed to shake off the lethargy that had clung to him since reviving. And yet Techno can't deny that it stung to be faced with that fury. He knows he isn't meant to be in conflict with his brother, and yet the past few days it's been only apathy interspersed with terrifying episodes that seem to Techno as if Wilbur's soul is trying to separate from his body.

They need to talk, he thinks, but he's never been good at communicating feelings. Something has to give, but he doesn't know what to do and he's petrified of making a mistake and pushing Wilbur further into his self-destructive patterns, like he had in Pogtopia. He'll try, for his brother's sake, but that doesn't mean he isn't terrified of making the slightest misstep. Maybe it's selfish, but he can't lose his brother again. He knows in his core that if Wilbur were to die again, it wouldn't take a full week for him to follow.

His brother will not go somewhere he can't find him. Not ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hearing from chat directly, huh? :)
> 
> also haha homeless dream jokes. thats still funny right. fuckin teletubby blob man out here spending his time manipulating minors instead of, idk,,, building a fuckin house. prick. dickhead.
> 
> sjkfs can u tell im rlly tired :)
> 
> thanks for reading lads ily


	13. but now it's all empty space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wonders if people can somehow sense something wrong with him, something he just hasn't noticed, and that's why no one ever stays. The fox hybrid picks at his shirt, frowning at the small hole made by his claws from repeating the action so many times before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok short chapter but fundy pov!! bringing him n later tubbo into the focus bc we're gonna start weaving Plot babey
> 
> im so fuckin tired kdsjbs take this

It's been almost a week, and Fundy would be lying if he said he wasn't worried. Maybe Ghostbur wasn't great at being a dad, what with all the amnesia and refusal to deal with anything upsetting, but at least he was trying. At least he was there. Keyword being _was._

He sighs, his ears drooping. And on top of his dad going missing, Ranboo had betrayed them and vanished. Was there some sign Fundy had missed? Could he have stopped him before it was too late?

Even if he's a traitor, Fundy hopes he's safe, wherever he is.

He wonders if people can somehow sense something wrong with him, something he just hasn't noticed, and that's why no one ever stays. The fox hybrid picks at his shirt, frowning at the small hole made by his claws from repeating the action so many times before. It's easier to pretend that's the only thing he's upset at, as if the sunshine is gentle and warm on his shoulders instead of mocking him with its bright shine, reminding him of taking shelter from the heat with his best friend in an air-conditioned shop they'd built together. As if it isn't doomed to be a bittersweet memory that eventually just becomes bitter.

He hasn't gone back to the ice cream shop since Ranboo left. It means accepting that his friend is gone, that he chose Technoblade over Fu- over L'Manberg, that he isn't coming back. Fundy doesn't think he can do that, not yet.

Quackity and Tubbo are both searching for Ranboo, for different reasons. Quackity wants to imprison him or something, Fundy isn't clear on the details, and Tubbo wants to hear Ranboo's side of the story. They argue sometimes, Quackity insisting him meeting and leaving with wanted criminals is enough to make his real loyalties obvious, and Tubbo standing firm that justice based on one piece of evidence isn't justice at all. Fundy stays quiet. He doesn't know what he would say even if he joined in. Of course he wants to protect L'Manberg, can't stand the thought of losing the only thing he has left from his father now that Ghostbur is apparently fucking mia, but he doesn't want to lose Ranboo either.

Unless he already has? Unless Ranboo decided his friendship, their home meant less than- than whatever he was doing in that clearing, helping two people Fundy despises being related to.

But Fundy remember's the look on Ranboo's face when his hand had moved to his sword, and he thinks- if Ranboo doesn't consider him a friend anymore, it isn't anyone's fault but his own. He hadn't drawn, had been unable to make himself point a weapon at his friend, but the intent had been there and they both knew it.

Fundy stares at the communicator in his hand, absent of messages. He doesn't expect any from Ranboo after the way they parted, but that doesn't mean he doesn't long to hear from him. He hesitates, finger over the message button, but eventually moves it away and slides down the list, tapping on a familiar name.

He isn't worried, he tells himself. He's just irritated that Ghostbur vanished after saying he was going to try and be better, that's all. It has nothing to do with the sick feeling in his stomach when he remembers the ghost's expression as he said goodbye.

**_You whisper to WilburSoot: ghostbur? you've been gone a while_ **  
**_You whisper to WilburSoot: just checking to make sure you're not, i dunno, double dead or something_ **

There's no response. Normally that wouldn't be anything to worry about, but Ghostbur always responded to messages as soon as he saw them in case he forgot to later, and as the day wears on with no reply Fundy can feel his heart sinking. And then-

**_WilburSoot whispers to you: don't worry about it_ **

Fundy waits a bit longer, but no other response comes. Suspicion starts to swirl in his gut as he rereads the single message. Something was off. No smiley face or exclamation point, no asking after Fundy in return like Ghostbur always has, even the tone just sounded tired. Ghostbur doesn't get tired, not that Fundy can recall. He's missing something, he knows he is. Something is different.

With that in mind, he stands and starts to walk toward Tubbo's house. He'll still help look for Ranboo, of course, but he wants to focus on whatever the hell is going on with his dead dad, because he has a sick feeling that he's working with a time limit.

Mind made up, he pauses for a moment on his way there and pulls out his communicator, scrolling up the list. He's tired of losing people, damn it. His dad is dead and his ghost might be gone too, and Fundy is not going to lose anyone else.

_**You whisper to Ranboo: we need to talk** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall holy shit wanna hear what i fuckin did today im so hype
> 
> so remember how i mentioned the research paper due today that i didnt start last night??
> 
> bro i wrote it this morning in 2 hours. 1046 words 9 paragraphs abt kabuki theatre holy shit guys i cant believe i fuckin did that
> 
> and then i presented it?? in class???? as if i hadnt just speedrun the entire research & writing process fueled by hot chocolate & sheer force of will???? holy SHIT my adrenaline is up dsjkfhs
> 
> N E WAY thanks for reading! hope u dont mind the shorter chapter this time but my braincells were used on the research paper djkgs :')


	14. too frozen inside to feel the flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil doesn't speak while Wilbur collects his thoughts, and Wilbur feels distant gratitude for it. All of his emotions have been distant since he came back, as if there was a fog in his mind that only cleared long enough for his chest to tear itself apart before everything becomes muted again.
> 
> "S' nice out." He hums quietly, speaking just as much to himself as to his father. He can feel Phil glance sidelong at him, but he can't be bothered to expend the energy it would take to turn his head and look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all. this one gets a bit rough, since near the end i go a bit into wilbur's death from his perspective. nothing like. awful lmao, just b aware
> 
> idk if u can tell from the way this one is written, but ive been in a really bad depressive episode the past couple days. im doing okay, not great but okay, but i think some of that made it into this
> 
> no worries tho, im safe and the worst of the episode is over
> 
> on a completely unrelated note,,, guys please tag stuff properly. like i get not wanting spoilers but if everyone dies please for the love of whatever u value at least tag hurt/no comfort or sad ending or Something i Beg of you Do Not imply that only some of the characters die and then turn what was tagged how i would expect a semi-funny murder mystery to be tagged into a horror film where everyone dies.... guys please the stuff someone reads can have a huge effect on their mental state Please Tag Correctly i cant unread that shit dude (not that the story itself was shit! it was actually quite well-written and the deaths were creative, but like what the fuck please tag your stuff). like this depressive episode was bad enough it caused actual physical pain and it kicked my anxiety into full gear i read it like two days ago and i still feel like im being watched,,, yall please be aware and considerate of the people reading! thank u for listening to my psa lmao
> 
> ok actual story notes,,,
> 
> :points at the unreliable narrator tag: we get some ranboo pov where hes scared of fundy, thats him catastrophizing because of his anxiety. the two of them are gonna work everything out eventually, but ranboo especially needs some time to sort through his emotions n stuff first
> 
> also i feel like the second half is shit i just couldnt get the words how i wanted them,, but i think i got the general feeling across

Ranboo doesn't notice when Technoblade gets back, even though he'd curled up on the couch specifically for that purpose. His tail is pulled close to his legs, and his arms are wrapped around himself as he stares at the communicator in his lap in uneasy silence.

"Ranboo?"

The hybrid jumps, looking up to see Techno watching him with slight concern. "Hi," He offers a weak smile.

"Everything alright?" Techno sits on the other side of the couch, wanting to give him space but be near enough to provide reassurance if necessary.

"Yeah! Yeah, it's just." Ranboo's ears droop and he looks back at his communicator. "Fundy messaged me, and I don't- I don't know what to say to him, or- if I even want to talk to him."

His hands are shaking, Techno realizes with a heavy heart, and he sees so much of his past self in the boy that he can't help reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. Ranboo jumps a little, but over the past week or so Phil and Tommy especially have been working to help him adjust to physical contact meant to help, not hurt, and the boy recognizes the touch for the invitation it is and turns, scooting next to Techno and leaning against him.

"He was- he was going to-" Ranboo curls into himself, Techno gently wrapping an arm around him. "I mean you were there, you saw. He didn't draw his sword, but he was- he meant to. He was going to, he-" He buries his face in his knees, pulling his legs tightly to his chest. "He's my best friend, and he- he was going to hurt me,"

Techno watches the boy sadly. He's led an empire, of course he's familiar with betrayal. With enough time and enough betrayals you grow hardened, but that doesn't make this hurt Ranboo any less.

"He can't get to you here," He promises quietly. He can tell Ranboo isn't quite reassured, so he forges forward despite his discomfort. "If- if you want to talk to him at some point, you can. But if you don't want to- you don't ever have to, okay?"

Ranboo nods slowly, leaning into Technoblade's side. "..Okay." He whispers, setting the communicator aside. He doesn't necessarily want to never talk to Fundy again, he does miss his friend, but-

_A hand stretches out, begging his friend to understand. It doesn't have to be like this, they don't have to fight- if they would just listen-_

_A shaking head. A hand on a sword hilt._

_"I won't let anyone hurt L'Manberg any further. Not even you."_

-he's not ready. He doesn't think he can face his former friend and hear what he has to say- probably accusations, or condemnations, or- or maybe he wants to sever their friendship completely, or it could be a trick to get him somewhere the rest of the cabinet can find him and lock him up-

He doesn't realize how fast his breathing has gotten until he's jolted out of his spiral by the feeling of soft fur on his face. He blinks and Technoblade isn't next to him anymore but crouched in front of him, holding a familiar bunny up to his face and watching him with cautious eyes. Ranboo uncurls a bit, reaching up and taking Ranbun into his arms. She snuggles against his chest, squeaking inquisitively as he buries his face in her fur.

They remain like that for a while, Ranboo slowly calming as he focuses on the bunny in his arms and Technoblade crouching near him, relieved that his guess about how to help ground the kid was right. He watches the boy pet his bunny with trembling hands that slowly steady, and he understands far more than he'd prefer to.

Oh. Damn it, he's attached now, isn't he.

 _ **technosoft!**_ Chat happily agrees, prompting him to roll his eyes internally.

"C'mon kid, let's get you to bed." He helps Ranboo to his feet once the younger hybrid seems to have calmed down, swaying sleepily on his feet as he follows to his room.

Ranboo places Ranbun gently in her little pen next to his bed and turns, wrapping his arms around Techno in a quick hug. Were he any less tired, Techno thinks, he would absolutely have been too anxious to even try, but in his mostly asleep state he moves on instinct, pulling away after mere moments and falling on the bed. He curls into a ball and goes still, completely asleep. Techno sighs with an undertone of fondness, tugging the blankets out from under the kid and laying them over him carefully so as to avoid waking him.

He's brought back to memories from years ago, and for a moment sees a tuft of blond hair in the bed instead of two-toned black and white.

He snaps of out his musings at the sound of the front door opening and closing, and he closes Ranboo's door behind him with a frown as he leaves. It's late, and cold, and no one should be going outside. Looking through the window, he can feel concern twist in his gut at the sight of Wilbur standing in the front yard, head tilted back and eyes closed as snow falls lightly on him. He's not at all dressed for the weather, wearing the same jeans and sweater as Ghostbur, and the only reason Techno doesn't go out and march him back inside to get warm is the sight of Phil moving toward him, fluffy cape in his hands.

It would be good for the two of them to talk, Techno thinks. They haven't exchanged more than brief words after the first day, but have spent plenty of time in tense silence. He sits in the armchair, pulling out the winter clothing he'd been working on for Wilbur. He'll still wait for them to come back in before trying to sleep, he knows his paranoia won't let him be otherwise.

Outside, Wilbur doesn't notice Phil approaching until a warm cape is draped around his shoulders. He opens his eyes, but doesn't look away from the clouded sky. He doesn't know how or why, but he has more energy tonight and he couldn't rid himself of the need to move, to be out of the house that suddenly felt stifling. He hadn't felt like he could breathe properly until he was outside, cold air filling his lungs, and it reminds him of the void so much that he's filled with longing for the peaceful darkness.

Phil doesn't speak while Wilbur collects his thoughts, and Wilbur feels distant gratitude for it. All of his emotions have been distant since he came back, as if there's a fog in his mind that only clears long enough for his chest to tear itself apart before everything becomes muted again.

"S' nice out." He hums quietly, speaking just as much to himself as to his father. He can feel Phil glance sidelong at him, but he can't be bothered to expend the energy it would take to turn his head and look back.

He can see Phil nod in his peripheral vision. "Yeah. Bit cold, though. It's warmer inside, how about we head back in and have some hot chocolate?"

Wilbur takes a minute to register the suggestion and shakes his head slowly. He doesn't respond for a long moment, stepping further into the snow and letting the cape slip from his shoulders to the ground.

"I like the cold." He can hear Phil moving to pick up the cape, but he finds he doesn't have the energy to care.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He hums, gaze shifting toward the treeline. He wonders what it would feel like if he just kept walking until his legs gave out, and lay in the snow until the cold claimed him. Would he come back? Did the resurrection give him three lives again, or just one?

Even if he thought there was a chance of them agreeing, he can't ask his family to kill him again. He sees the way Phil looks at him, guilt lining his eyes and trailing behind him like a shadow, and for a moment he regrets that he didn't just do it himself. Then the feeling fades, and he's left numb once more.

"It reminds me of the void," Wilbur's voice takes on an almost dreamy tone, his eyes unfocused as he lets the air around him leech his body heat.

Phil makes a soft, grieved sound and looks down. "I'm sorry," He says finally, sounding near tears. "I shouldn't have killed you. I should have- gotten you help, or done anything else. I'm so sorry, Wil."

The words make it past the fog in Wilbur's head and he turns, frowning a little. "Why are you sorry? I asked you to. You- you made the pain go away, like when I was little."

Phil can't stop himself from crying any longer, silent tears sliding down his face as he looks at Wilbur, casually comparing a bandaid on a scraped knee to his own murder. "There were other options," He insists, unsure if he's trying to convince his son or himself.

Wilbur just looks at him sadly. "Phil, I died a long time before my body did." Phil chokes on a sob as he continues, eyes empty. "All you did was- clean up what was left behind."

Phil shakes his head, overcome with emotion and unable to speak for a moment. When he does, he puts a hand on Wilbur's shoulder, both pretending they can't tell how much it's shaking. "It's not too late." He gives in to the urge to pull Wilbur into a hug, the feeling of holding a chilled body in his arms heartbreakingly familiar- only this time, his boy is still breathing. "We- We're going to help you this time, okay? Please, son, don't give up. Not on this. Not on yourself."

Wilbur remains still in Phil's hold, letting himself slump against the other after a long moment. "..I'm tired, Phil."

"I know," His father whispers. "I know. Just- just hold on, okay? We're here for you now. You don't have to do this alone anymore."

The gentleness in his voice reminds Wilbur of when he was younger and would get himself hurt doing something reckless and stupid. Phil would patch up his cuts and bruises, holding the small boy in his arms and speaking to him with the same love Wilbur hears directed at him now.

It was comforting then. Now, it just hurts- a reminder that he doesn't deserve any of this, doesn't deserve to be held or reassured or promised that he won't have to struggle alone. He doesn't know if that much matters, anymore. He's too tired to struggle.

"I don't think I can," He admits, voice barely audible. "Even- even if you throw a rope, I still- I have to hold on still, while you pull me up, and I don't.. I'm not strong enough for that, Phil. Not anymore."

Phil just holds him tighter. "Then we'll figure it out together." He vows, taking the cape from where he'd draped it on his arm and wrapping it around Wilbur once more.

Wilbur had always disliked the cold. Being from the Nether, he was built for warm environments, and while his twin enjoys the snow, he has always preferred more temperate biomes. L'Manberg seemed draped in sunshine, warming his heart as he and his fellow revolutionaries talked and laughed as though the threat of death didn't hang over their heads. Pogtopia, in contrast, was always freezing. Tommy never complained, so Wilbur was never quite sure if the ravine was as cold as it felt or if it was just him. The cold seemed at once an outside force and a part of him, until he couldn't tell where it ended and he began. He huddled by campfires, leaned against Techno and Tommy to steal body heat from them, and yet he was always just as cold.

When the explosions went off, he remembers hoping desperately to feel something, some kind of warmth to combat the ice coating his bones. But not even eleven stacks of explosives could make it through to his frozen core, and it was then that he gave up on ever feeling warm again.

In a twist of irony that gives the writer in Wilbur a sense of sick amusement, it was only when he gave up on ever being anything but frozen that he felt warmth again, in the form of a sword through his stomach and familiar arms holding him. He remembers being gently lowered, cradled to the chest of a kneeling man who cried too hard to speak. He remembers the way blood clogged his throat and dripped from his mouth, the way the red stained his father's shirt and hands and pooled beneath him, the way Phil wrapped his wings around his son as if in a last futile attempt to keep him safe. He remembers fading, remembers hearing his brothers scream and tilting his head to catch sight of his son's horrified expression, but it was all so distant he was barely aware, swept up by euphoric relief. Finally, he could rest. Finally, it was all over. Finally, he was warm again.

He remembers coughing more blood trying to speak, lifting a hand weakly to Phil's face and smiling when Phil covered it with a hand of his own. He remembers using his thumb to wipe away some of his father's tears with clumsy movements, remembers how it just made Phil cry harder. He remembers barely being able to speak when he whispered his gratitude, how Phil tightened his grip. He remembers his gaze drifting away from his father, up to the roof of a room that could haunt him no longer, and he remembers trying to respond to a broken _I love you,_ and being unable to draw enough breath to speak. He doesn't remember the exact moment of his death, only his vision blurring and growing darker, and a distant, mournful wail as he went completely limp.

And then he was in the void, and he'd been upset at first- why was he still aware? Why can't he just _rest?_ \- but he quickly found solace in the peace it offered.

Since coming back to life, he's been stifled with warmth. Blankets, and walls, concerned questions and worried looks they think he's too tired to notice. For the first time, wrapped in thick cloth and his father's embrace, the warmth feels reassuring rather than constricting. It makes him remember sunshine on his shoulders as he stood on a wall, the sound of the people he swore to protect with his life joining him in song around a campfire, bright eyes and brighter smiles.

Wilbur brings his arms up to return Phil's hug, and for the first time since being exiled so long ago, he allows himself to weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay to make myself less sad im gonna talk about my minecraft world more
> 
> so first off i adopted six more horses! they're all either white or grey & white bc i found a couple herds near my llama house
> 
> warp has blue leather armor, vortex has purple leather armor, slide has light blue leather armor, spiral has lime leather armor, portal has orange leather armor, and swirl has pink leather armor
> 
> next thing and something im actually pretty excited for, my world has lore now :)  
> obv its a singleplayer world but i've been keeping a journal recording my activities from the perspective of s, an amateur researcher and sole Player of that world (thats a race now lads,, thats right its my world and i control the canon) investigating the sudden appearance of all kinds of monsters from myth. s battles monsters and the effects of isolation and sleep deprivation, while stressed because of the belief (mistaken, or otherwise? who knows) that the safety of the world and the villagers s has come to care for rests solely on s. things seem to be going okay, until s builds the Room and starts to become paranoid, convinced that someone is watching- someone with malicious intentions.
> 
> ive finished the first journal so far! i decided each one gets 50 pages for the sake of consistency, and journal #1 has i think five or six entries- mostly recording initial observations of monsters and the process of building the Room
> 
> also no, s is not the full name of the researcher lmao,, but thats how im signing the entries because it looks cool as fuck :')


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